Mengapa.

Dikala hati berduka lara, air mata menjadi senjata.

Dikala hati bersuka ria, mengapa tidak kedengaran gelak dan tawa?

Masihkah hati terasa duka?

Seringkali terjadi, apa yg terbuku di hati.

Disimpan sampai mati.

Lumrah manusia egois, bukan?

Luluh jiwa, runtuh harapan.

Apakah sukar untuk berikan peluang pada perasaan?

Egois. Bodoh.

Nutcase.

At first I thought that everything will go well, everything will run oh so smoothly. But, I guess I expected too much out of life.

I don’t know what I did – until people can walk in and out of my life, trampling over my soul, my kindness and repaying me with hopeful promises and hurtful actions. I don’t think anybody deserve that kind of treatment.

So yeah.

Emotional whirlwind, psychological tornadoes, and physical extremes.

Basically its a summary of what I've been through these past couple of months.

I was in a relationship, I broke it off, I'm single, again in a relationship, again it didn't work out. My brain is on overdrive since I can't stop thinking about work, and my body? I've been pushing it too far with all the work that I've to deal with.

Sometimes I wonder, what is it in life that we work so hard to achieve? Success? Contentment? Happiness? I get lost in finding my own goal in life. I don't see ahead anymore, I just move forward. You know, like one of those programmed autobots that's designed to go straight and just that? Yeah, I'm currently like that.

I feel like I need to write more, read more. But because of my job, my brain goes dead. I write for money now, not passion. I hate that fact. I love words, I love literature of any kind, but why did I stop doing all that. Look at what I've become. Weighted shoulders, dragging feet, like the whole world's responsibilities is for me to bear, for me to meet.

I can't stop whining now. I mean, in my blog. In real life I'm soulless. Really, I am. I find entertainment on the net, and the solitude of being with friends. That's it.

Maybe I'm at a point in life where everything is monotonous. Boring. Bland.

Guess I just have to get off my ass and do something about it, huh?