Private Colleges, No?

Okay, luckily I don't want to go to Aussie in the near future. I'm planning to go to a local college instead, and I'd already obtained the green light from my parents. So, probably I'm going to either KDU or Taylor's School Of Communication. I'm rooting for Taylor's, it's near my house, and I'd have a new surrounding. New people, new friends, new information to learn. Communication and Media Management is what I chose to pursue for my degree. The college is also affiliated with University of South Australia (UniSA), so, that'll be an advantage since the certificate will be from the Uni itself.

My results sucks again, this semester. I'm just relieved to know that I don't have to repeat my Multimedia subject. Thanks to Miss Mayudia, even though I still have welled up anger towards her. :)

That is why I wrote about Taylor's and KDU, because my results sucked.

God. I suck. T_T

Hum Away.

Trouble in paradise. Even if it's not paradise. I'm GAINING WEIGHT! Dammit! I've tried herbal teas and such, no such luck, and every time I prepared for a jog session, rain comes puring down. No such luck in Operation Destroy Handles.

OK, here's my New Year's Resolutions. I just thought of it like 2 seconds ago. Har-di-har-har.

Yes, people, I am on a mission! I plan to;

1. Lose weight
2. Handle my chores without a fuss
3. Get good results
4. Get into a certain college (that I had my eye on)
5. Be sensible and positive

It all seem so reachable, am I right? Well, as my life goes, I would like to achieve what is the obvious first, and later on, comes the difficult task. Pandai-pandai lah susun cita-cita kan?

The next few paragraphs are a result of me being negative, and they are just merely my thoughts.

Ambitions, hopes and dreams. Thoughts that are meant for your mind, and soul only. But these things, often becomes a motivation to reach for the impossible, and creates an excuse to prove to yourself that you are worth it. And yet, things like these that can bring you down, makes you fall and teaches you to give up before ever trusting any thought of yours.

Well, I'm just being negative here, but believe me, I gave up on hope ages ago. Yes, I do say things like "hopefully...", but when it comes to hope, I just have no faith. I hate false hopes, they're a bit like broken promises don't you think?

Yes, aku negatif orangnya. But still, I still live my life large, and also, I put more and more faith in myself everyday.

I Tag You People.

Got tagged by Zahirah. Here Goes. Jawab OK.

QA #1

1. What’s your ambition?
To become succesful in life. Full stop.


2. Who is more important to you? Girlfriends or friends?
My friends, doesn't matter whether they're girls, or the opposite.


3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
Nahh. I think the better in things sometimes. Shit happens for a reason. No matter how stupid they are, and no matter how suicidal I sound in my posts, I don't think about suicide.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Not really. I get chicken when it comes to asking a salesperson about certain stuff. Imagine that.


5. How many babies do you want?
4. Insya'Allah. Or maybe 3. I haven't even thought about it yet.


6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Duh.


7. What is your goal for this year?
To be whole as a person. Geddit?


8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yes. For Allah S.W.T.

9. What’s is your favorite television series?
One Tree Hill season 5. The L word. The O.C, Gossip Girls, Heroes, Ghost Whisperer, Gilmore Girls, CSI Vegas, CSI Miami. Yes people, I ADORE dramas!


10. What are you really afraid of?
Allah S.W.T, death and Hari Akhirat


11.What is your bad habits?
I tend to think negative.


12. Is there anything you wanna tell to the people who hates you?
Why? Takde faedah pun.


13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Of course. What idiot doesn't?


14. What does flying means to you?
To be able to let yourself go.

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
Craving? Ooooohhh! Subway,Carl's JR, Tauhu Bakar JB, Mi Rebus Johor Hj Hamid,

16. Most unexpected gift you received so far and when?
Anger. Can it be considered as a gift? I get angry easily nowadays.

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words:
Zahirah, sangat penyabar, very observant, talented, rambles on about J-Pop sometimes, ooohh..! Dorothy Perkins addict, if I may say so.

18. What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?
I'd finally stand up for myself lately. I hate being taken for a ride.

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
I'm hoping to be in the advertising industry and become a copywriter, also, I wish to posses my Masters from Charles Sturt University.

20. What have you achieved in life lately to make it better?
Achieved? Self-Independence. That felt really really good.

QA #2.
Rule 1 -People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule 2 -Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tag by continuing this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
Yes. Everybody has skeletons in their closet kan?

2. Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you?
Yeah. But I couldn't care a less about age. As long as they understand me.

3. Do you enjoy going to college?
Sometimes, yeah.

4. what will you do if you have million dolars?
To buy my own car and house. The rest is for keeps. Maybe guna sikit untuk kahwin! Haha!

5. Will you fall in love with your friend?
I thought people were supposed to be friends, then barula jadi kekasih. Bukan eh? -_-"

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
If you know how to play it right, both.

7. List 5 current favourite songs
-Always be my baby (David Cook Version)
-Breathe In Today (Flyleaf)
-Darling (Eyes Set To Kill)
-Nobody Knows It But Me (Babyface)
-With Me (Sum 41)

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
I'm already in a relationship I love, why should I go for someone else, what more with that person is taken?

9. Would you be the person that you are if you were to be reborn?
I have no idea. Probably.

10. What do you want the most at the moment?
To see RSI and make up for lost time.

11. What kind of person do you think the person that tagged you is?
Refer above, Doofus.

12. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
In the middle. Married, not rich, not poor, but so and so.

13. What is your favourite color?
I can't just choose one. OK. Rainbow. and Black.

14. Would you give all in for a relationship?
Not really, there's always a extra for myself and Allah S.W.T.

15. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, which one would you choose?
Yg mana lagi hebat? As in, characteristics, perspectives on certain things, and of course, features, tapi tak hensem pun takpe. Asalkan very very understanding and better than the other person.

16. What are the top 5 bands that you listen to or love?
All time favourite?
-Flyleaf
-Eyes Set To Kill
-Boyz II Men (This is counted as a band, right?)
-

17. Name 3 things you would like to do but would never be able to.
-To tell the future
-To play the drums
-To write like Ahern

18. 5 people I have tagged.
Awin Roslin, Hamzani, Iva, Mutalib, Samsul

Relief

I just realized that now my blog, LOOKS like an actual blog.

Rather than just a page of scribbled ramblings of an emo girl.

It definitely looks better now.

Alhamdulillah.

Blank

I thought I'd share with you something so phenomenal to me:-

BLANK BEAUTY

Beautiful blank pages
kiss our
imaginations
with backgrounds
that demand precision.

Our black letters cross
on tightrope lines,
curving
without wavering
across deep, invisible currents.

These beautiful blank pages
are promises of our
reflections.
Our gentlest strokes
of darkness upon light.



-Judith Pordon-

An Update

Well, here I am, in the middle of the night, trying my best not to be sappy. But then again, I thought to myself, that would be like asking too much for myself right? Geez. OK, I'll try my best.

Here goes nothing. Today is day 7 of coming down with fever. Well, my fever cleared up a little, OK, who am I kidding? A lot. What's left of it now is just sniffles here and there and of course, the oh-so dreadful sore throat. I finished 2 bottles of cough syrup as it is, but the sore is still torturing me.

Can you believe it, that it's my semester break, and I'm actually coming down sick. Of course I got lucky and escaped the fever pitch during semester. Riiiight. Since my maid's back in Indonesia, us siblings had to do chores. Yes, I'd finally see the day. It seems that I'm a bit of clean-freak. I wash my clothes once in 2 days. Well most teenagers, especially my siblings like to wait for their whole week to end.

I haven't been anywhere. Just mostly at home. How boring. And for a few days, I thought I saw the OLD RSI popping back up again in my life. But my sighting was too good to be true. All of his act disappeared within 3 days, max. I was really starting to enjoy it, but nevermind, I've gotten used to this current RSI anyways.

On a brighter note, my dad, reads my blog now. So, I actually have to keep it READABLE and toss out the curses. Yes Abah, Sorry! Now you know that your daughter actually has a big mouth. *grins* He encouraged me to write more, as he (said to me, allegedly) likes my writing so far, it's just that I need to write something else for the topic, rather that be self-obsessed. I'll put that into mind, and I am sure as heck I'd give it a TRY.

Hey, it's afterall a blog. Hannah's blog. Where mostly my thoughts and my ramblings go posted. And I like it that way. Especially when it's about me. Yes people, I'm getting way over in my head now, I'm going to do you and myself a favor and stop NOW.

Toodles.

Seasons

Does anybody know this feeling of despair
When you really love someone
When You really care
It's hard to walk away

-Never Meant To Be, Samantha Mumba

Just wanted to share that, it's beautiful isn't it? I think it's like THE perfect breakup song for teenagers. Oh, who am I kidding. I teared listening to this song.

I'm just feeling sappy due to my fever. Pardon me. Cheers.

Posters

Yesterday. As I was tearing down posters on my wall, I realized something. The action of it all actually reflects our real life, yes, you might think I’m crazy, but hear (or read, since this IS a blog) this.

When we have been hurt by something or someone’s doing, we tend to keep it inside, all swelled up. But when the time comes to erase the pain away, it’ll still leave scars, just like the poster-tape that made a mark on the wall, chipping off the paint, revealing an ugly scar on a once smooth wall.

When you try to put it back, it won’t be the same. The posters will just hang off its edge, ready to fall, again, revealing very hurtful scars. The only way to ever heal this is to (I think) tear off the whole poster and paint your room in a brand new color. It might take a long time, but it also actually reflects the whole healing process.

Creating a new life, forgetting the old, even though revamping your room is time and money consuming, painting a new color will definitely cover the scars, and that signifies (in my thoughts) that even our past life, which had been a nightmare, takes time, courage and hard work to heal.

But from what I can see, covering up your wall with new paint means you’re just covering your past as well. The scars, the memories, and it’s just you, burying your hurtful past in the back of your mind, never intend to bring it up again. But, as the paint fades, the scars reveal themselves.

Just like the old memories. Everything will eventually show up again, any time of your life. And my thought to this is, the only way for you to move on from something is to accept it, and learn to live on it, taking it as a lesson and make it a guide.

Now, does all this make sense to you?

There, that’s how MY mind works.

7 things

Since Hamz tagged yours truly to do a piece about myself. Walaupun dah banyak entry pun about moi. :D


Here's seven things that you might not seen coming:

• Well, I am VERY family oriented. I think.

• I don't consider myself stylish, but I do keep up with latest fachion trends, though I don't own any flourescent hotpants, but I do have pieces of clothing that normal people don't usually wear and I AM NOT a fashion victim, thankyou.

• I am NOT snobby. Okay. Sekali pandang, memanglah. Ever heard of the ever so cliche quote "don't judge a book by its cover"? Cuba aplikasikan.

• I am madly in LOVE with music. Well, that's a bit obvious to people who knows me, kan? :D

• I abso-freakin-lutely loves writing. AND reading, yes, people, the loud girl you know is actually a very very geeky chick.

• I used to write a whole bunch of LOVE poems when I was in secondary school. Yes, a bit on the romantic side, I am.

• I don't give two rat's ass about how I dress, I talk, walk and whatnot. Especially what people say. Well, let's exclude yen in this aright.

• I drive like a madman when I'm furious. Try me.

• I swear a whole lot when I'm stressed, but I can be pretty decent, and I mean total change when I'm relaxed.

• Last, but certainly not the least, I have alot of uban. HAHA. You know, white hairs, signalling that you're getting older by the minute? AND I'm PROUD OF IT! :D

Now, I'll tag

1. Maysarah
2. Melissa
3. Zahirah
4. Raja Faisal
5. Samsul Abdul Rahman
6. Itik
7. Ariff

Real, all of it.

Let's start with my reality, shall we?

I know I have been such a pain in the ass all year, but I can't help it. People around me seem to take me for granted. Maybe I was being ungrateful, but I didn't expect that people around me was going to stomp me all over.

O-kay, for one example, lets take my sister. She is manipulative (was going to put b**** here, but it's waay too cruel), and controlling and she likes to shout a lot. At me. Her older sister. And there I thought sisters were supposed to be close. Especially sister with close age gaps. She always thinks that she's better than me. That, I clearly see. I don't suck up to my mom. And I know I'm not the "ideal daughter". I'm sorry Abah, if you're reading this. This was kept inside me for how long. One of the many reasons I chose to study abroad.

This thing, that keeps getting my heart and soul torn apart, these thing called tears. I cry and I cry, for only Allah S.W.T knows how terrible i feel inside. I used to be such an independent girl, I was able to hold it all in. But when one trouble starts to occur, Many problems came storming over. Basically, I am given the chance to be someone better.

But of course, being the stupid self that I am, I chose to be ignorant. Yes, I became ignorant, only for a few months though. Now, the old Hannah who is easy to pick on is back again! Woohoo!

The relationship with the boyfriend bit, is getting more honest everyday. Seriously, I've told him off. How I felt, how he was treating me, the way we weren't as bad as now. He understood me, but being himself, it took him quite sometime to readjust his negativity and actually tries to make me smile. Now, when I think about it. I can't even have a bickering without laughing it off with him. Alhamdulillah.

My maid is taking off to Indonesia next week. For good. And I have a naughty feeling that I'm glad she's going away. Hehe.

Well, I guess that's about it. My head is throbbing, and my heart is pounding. Just got over a fight with the sis. Well, for one thing I DO believe is, what are sister if its not for the bickering and dramas, right? This WILL hopefully pass through, Insya'Allah.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku,
Kuatkanlah Iman hambamu ini, segala cabaran dihadapinya,
permudahkanlah hatinya untuk menempuhi dugaan-dugaanMu ini Ya Allah.
Amin.