Menguji Kesabaran

Banyak betul benda jadi hari ni.

Dah puas aku nangis tak berlagu.

Sial!~

Tulis tu pun dah agak lega.

Terima Kasih.

bonding

Kembali ke realiti. T_T

I just got back from my Johor-Singapore-Johor trip. Tiring, but sure as hell fun.
I bought a few hot-diggity-cool (omg, i am so lame) tshirts, and loads of candy. :D

Went to my first-cousin's wedding, and my aunt asked me this very stupid question.
"when is your turn?"
Adoi. Aku 20 pun belum. Sijil pun takde. Nak kawen dah? -_____-"
When I was at the wedding, it made me think of my own wedding.
I want it to be in front of my house. With 5 canopies. Baru meriah kan, saudara sume datang. :D
But the one thing I can't imagine is, me, sitting on the pelamin. Adoi.
Gila malu. Hahaha. Mane tau jalan-jalan dengan heels, jatuh tersembam. Wakakakaka

But still,
it made me forget I have college stuff, problems of my own, and the fact I still had some stuff that hasn't been sought over with Yen.

I know it's been two weeks since I last saw him, but the first week was hard. I missed him so much.
Come the second week, I was okay. I realized that I wasn't missing him. At all. Imagine. For some people who knows me, that would be the IMPOSSIBLE.

But it's the truth.
He made me feel like I don't have to miss him.
Like I am not in a relationship.
Like no one cares for me anymore.

But when I get home, everything changed. I cry, cry and cry.
Realising the fact that he treats me like shit nowadays.
He doesn't even say I Love You back.

Is this for real?
Is he getting tired of me.

Shit.


fcuk.
ok, aku makin pathetic.
serabutkan kepala dgn masalah cinta, pikirkan pasak kawin.
sangat bodoh.
Hannah, bangun la.
please.

Oh, Bollocks, just bollocks.

It's only Tuesday, 10.17 am and I'm in the library, yet again.

Here's a go.

I woke up yesterday with a bruised eye, and decided to skip class. Lucky for me, the lecturer went all crazy with some students that still didn't grasp the concept of Motion Tweening.

Spent the day in the library and the room. The thought of me jogging crossed my mind. It just crossed and nothing else. I was in no mood to jog, what more get out of the room.

Went for a dinner discussion at the Cafe near block P. Damn far wey. Bukan nak datang ambik aku ke kan. Takpe. Bagi je aku jalan sorang-sorang, malam-malan macamtu. Semata-mata nak jumpa talent. ~__~


Ideas poured in for our short film this morning. Brilliant ones. At least I hope the rest would like it as much as I do.

Hari ini, penat-penat aku bersemangat nak pegi kelas, selepas beberapa minggu tak pegi class Madam Hajar, aku samapi ke kelas lambat, and classmate aku semua cakap class cancel.

Oh, how I was SO pissed. Penat weh berkejaran ke kelas.

My left eyes are still swollen. Damn. This weeks is just bollocks I tell you.

Walaupun baru hari Selasa.

Going back on Friday morning. Weeeee.

Ya Allah yang Maha Penyayang,

Kembalikanlah kekuatan pada diriku,

Kuatkanlah kepercayaanku terhadap kebolehanku,

Aku memohon segala kekuatan iman dalam diriku diperkukuhkan.

Amin.

Faith

faith is at loss.

faith in myself.

I need guidance, I admit.

Rapid

Its been a while since I last uploaded my blog. (walaupun baru 4 hari). While writing this, I am actually trying to remember what I wrote just now, when I was in the Cyber Cafe. The stupid system broke down and ll my writings were gone. Padah pegi CC dalam UiTM kan.

Okay. I'm just going to move on. Tak nak berleter dah. Hmm. My past week has been a disaster.
I am sick of the daily routine hat i keep on going thorugh. Every semester, there has got to be one problem with one of my group members. And also, every semester, there has got to be one lecturer yang suka buat palat.

I know its the ups and downs of being a student, but I just can't take it anymore.

Lately, I haven't been in the right mood for everything. I haven't been eating right, concentrating in class (tu la quiz aku agak teruk kan tadi). Double damn. I am in no mood for good laughs, relationship problems, classes, studies. Senang cerita, semua benda.

Another thing I don't get, I don't understand why I have to report whatever I do but some people won't have to and don't actually do it. WTfish? Aku pun tak tau aku cakap pasal ape.

AAAAAAAAAA.
*runs around screaming*


yes, I am being ungrateful.
*slaps myself*

Ya Allah Yang Maha Besar,
kembalikanlah kekuatanku untuk terus belajar dan beribadat.
sedarkanlah aku dari lamunan,
berikan aku kekuatan untuk mempercayai diriku kembali.
Amin.

Recap

I have no idea what to write in here today, but I still have things to tell. -_-"

I just got back from my class trip to Port Dickson last night. It was a tiring trip. We left the campus at around 3.30, because Zul and I was handling this junior event for our event management course. The event was a blah. We had to be there, at the hall at 7.45. So can you just imagine what time do I have to get up. Right after we had finished the event, we were picked up by Izwan and left with Raiha tailing us.

We got to PD at around 5. We grabbed lunch, we played beach football, (the boys and I) and I was forced (note the word force) to ride the Banana Boat. It was a VERY scary ride. The fact that my life jacket kept on unbucklibng itself, and I don't know how to swim makes it even more scarier. But I had my fair share of fun. Right after my Banana Boat ride, I THINK i had a fight with yen. I cried for a minute, literally, and stopped. I had to stop being stupid and learn how to have fun and be flexible sometime.

That night we had a Barbeque. It was even more tiring since most of my classmates just stood around, eating, while some others had to prepare the food. My home-made brownies was a hit. :) There was a group of obnoxious guys beside our barbeque pit, they were having theuirs to, but it was annoying, because the guys were kind of harassing my girl classmates, but some of the girls seem to enjoy the attention. Blagh.

The same night, I turned in early, I was friggin tired. I woke up the earliest, lucky since my throat was feeling nasty. Ugh. Got up, tidied up the apartment, (it was fcuking messy, i tell you). It was like cleaning up after school kids. I even made breakfast for them. -_-" Finally, at 8.30, Izwan, Echa, and I went for the swimming pool. After we checked out of the apartment, wee grabbed lunch and we parted, Izwan, Echa, Zul and I went for karaoke. It was kind of fun. ^_^ The rest went to Teluk Kemang again, and headed straight back to campus.

We got back at the campus at 7.30. We had dinner in the campus and we headed back to our rooms. I was too tired and slept at 9.30. Slept like a baby since I didn't hear anything. Just the sound of my alarm. Now, I have this raspy voice and runny nose. My body is aching all over an aftermath of the Banana Boat ride, swimming, and beach football. And I hate it. ~_~ It even hurts when I cough and laugh.

Now, there's a recap of what happened on my weekend. I'm too tired to even concentrate on writing this and paying attention to the lecturer up front. Wish me good luck this week, I have a very terrible feeling about it. Blagh.


Toodles

self-centered for a second

mengapa aku bencikan perubahan?
padahal perbahan is a good thing..

maybe aku tak mampu terima news yang mengejutkan, or attitude yang berlainan. if ade perubahan berlaku depan aku, make it slow and steady, not all of a sudden.

aku langsung tak boleh terima orang yang rapat dengan aku berubah sekelip mata, just like that.
close friends, boyfriend, family members.


it's heartbreaking, really.
they really don't know what i'm going through.

i may sound self-centered right now, but if you could just put yourself in MY shoes for a while, you know what the deal is. all the people i trusted, changed. at the speed of light, i tell you.

and now,

i don't feel like i want to be myself anymore.

maybe i have to change.

Change?

Am at home, wondering about things I should have thought about earlier this year. When I was drafting out my wish list and resolutions. I am currently having the flu, which is really weird, since I hardly get sick. This time, my health and my mind is attacking me with questions I know I can't answer, and medications I know I hate.

I feel depressed again, I thought everything was looking up. But I am clearly wrong.

I want to be normal again, like in my previous blogs. So badly need the boyfriend too. He's been acting weird these past few weeks. I hate it. I want things to be normal. I hate changes. Boo-hoo for me.

I stumble and fall,
but I mean these words.

Week Three, day one.

Guess where am I at?

the library. AGAIN.

*sigh*

Week 3

Here I am again, in the class lab, the first class of the week.

I got a disturbing call last night, it was from my sister. She was distraught and she made me realise that it's been almost a month now that my brother hasn't come home. I'm studying in Melaka, and my sister is in Nilai. But we still find time to come back home and meet our parents.

She got me thinking about my brother's whereabouts and his health. Honestly, I am a bit worried, eventhough he hurt my feelings. He chose that bitch from his family, and that, is a fact that I cannot tolerate. But, I would love to watch my mom be happy again, with all her kids under one roof, and actually doing something with their lives.

Moving on to next subject, this week I only have 3 days of classes. :D
Going back tomorrow. Coming back here on Thursday. Am excited. :)

So far, proposals done, zero.
Assignments submitted, one.
Assignments in the to-do list, plenty.

Will catch up soon. Turrah. :)