I know that it has been a while since I've written anything in this lame blog. But today, tonight, I just feel like I need to vent. So please just bear with me.
I'm going to categorise my vents into three parts. I'll start off with WORK, because it's a total bitch right now.
I've been working for this media/entertainment company for almost 9 months now, and I must say that I enjoy the job. I get to practice my Bahasa (well basically that's the only perk), oh and I get to claim my overtimes.
Let me give you the gist of my working environment. I am nestled in between old, gossipy ladies. And I shit you not, they know how to gossip. I'm a social media executive, therefore I administer the movements of the multiple platforms that we have (think 5). It doesn't end there, the company that I work for, is THE BIGGEST name in the industry. Thus, hundreds of shows per week. And yes, I've to find material for all of it, post it up on the platforms and monitor the feedback.
Did I mention that I'm doing all of that ALONE? Oh yeah, I've to do some translation every week. Well you know, just because my job isn't challenging enough (cue sobbing and whimpers here). To add to the whole truckload of crap that I'm dealing with, I've a boss who texts me when she pleases, calls me whenever she doesn't see me in front of her and invades my life wherever she see fits. I've a teammate that takes credit for what I do, and is a certified ass kisser. Sounds about fantastic right? Wanna know something more? My boss can't see that I'm drowning with my workload and she blatantly says that I'm not stressed. Come on, replying "K" to her messages is not clear enough? Geez. Okay, I guess that's about my work life.
The second thing that I wanted to vent about is EDUCATION. Here's another thing you should know, I'm currently pursuing my Masters Degree, FULL TIME. Yes, while working. And yes, I'm crazy.
Though I'm in my second semester, my studies have been going steady (no, I'm kidding, I'm actually dying). I have classes at night and weekends. Imagine when I have to juggle work and studies at the same time. Oh, my social media gig requires me to post items REAL TIME (yes, even when I'm driving, and YES, even when I'm shitting). What's a girl to do for a better life, huh? But my first semester grades were awesome. I managed to score 3.44, which stumped me because I was tired, busy and lazy the whole semester. Can you imagine what I would get if I concentrated more on my studies rather than work? Blergh, I hate this. But, having said that, I can't do anything about it since I have about a year and a half to finish this thing.
Ooookay, now moving to the mushy part of my life, LOVE. Besides work and studies, I'm committed to a relationship now. I don't know why I bother, purely because I can't even find time to go on dates or even text. He must be crazy enough to love me.
Things are not going so well with us. We've been talking about marriage, but we're getting nowhere with it. I am honestly nonchalant about his working his ass off, because at the end of the day, I know where I stand in his life. Though I'm the busy one, but I try to make time, I try to put in the effort of planning dates, anniversary celebrations and even dinner/supper plans.
But after having to put in effort more than what you get in return, it tires you. It wears you out. I can't say that I'm giving up, but I'm close enough. Right now, for me, I just wanna get on to the next phase of life, better job, graduate, and travel. How I desperately need to travel.
I miss him everyday, but saying it daily won't make a difference. I know, I've been through it for more a few years now. I'm used to it I guess, but sometimes I just break down for no particular reason but missing him. I don't see him doing anything about it and it hurts me, deeply.
I'm pushing 26. I have a job, in the process of purchasing my own car, moving out soon, and studying. Do you think I have too much on my plate?
Sometimes I just wish I can crawl into a hole and cry.
Because no one is built with an armour,
Its not what you speak, but what you murmur.