Tuesday, December 29, 2009

with luck

mcmana nak GPA 3.6 and ptptn jadi scholarship, kalau kerja asyik nak tido je hannah? you're very very close to getting into the Dean's List this sem, how many times have that happened? too many times to ignore. come on, hannah. find back your thoughts and let's ace next semester!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Jom!



Apple Danish sekalian, mari mulakan aktiviti ini semula!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Durian, Photography and Bazaars

Baru lepas tengok gambar-gambar recently-acquainted photographers, and frankly speaking, sangat merindui baby slr yang missing. ;( Insya'Allah, mid of next year will get a new one.


Oh ya, Ego is such a drama queen, and I can't wait for Conscious to finish her exams, next up; BAZAARS!





Saya ketagih dengan Durian Grade A. ;)
Hahahaha!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Free Shampoo!

Another freelance promoter job happened on 12th and 13th December. We were auditioned to be the promoters, boy,were they choosy! But luckily, Ego and I survived the auditions and was hired.

Event : Clear Shampoo's Futsal Challenge.
Location : Pavillion K.L
Date : 12th and 13th December


Working there was fun. Got a few other job offers, bumped into a few familiar faces, had chats with old crushes. And, met some weird people as well. For instance;

Weird #1

Guy : Hi, I just wanted to know, what's your zodiac?
Ego : Erm, Leo?
Guy: Oh, Okay, and yours?
Me : Errrrr, Virgo?
Guy : Oh, Okay, Is this the semi-s or quarters?

*TIBA TIBA CAKAP PASAL BOLA. -________________________-"


Weird #2

Ego and I was on our way, headed towards Chen's newly pimped out car.

I felt a tap on my arm, and was all 'sapa-pulak-pggil-aku-ni,kishi-kat-tepi-ni-haaa', so I turned and found a rather small sized guy, or should I say boy, cause I'm not sure of the age looking up at me....and said....

Boy/Guy : Hi, you nak balik dah ke?
Me : Errr, *cue muka pelik gila here* yea..
Boy/Guy : I mean you nak balik terus ke?
Me : Errrrr, yea..I guess so...Kenapa eh?
Boy/Guy : Oh, takde, I dtg sorg, I igt kalau u tak balik lg, I nak ajak you tengok wayang...
Me : Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Dah nak balik dah, thanks anyway. *smiles and walks away, tahan gelak*

*BERANI BYE DIA CAKAP MACAM TU. PALING SLUMBERRRR BOLEH PERGI

Two occurences that I can remember for now, as for the rest, I'll upload as soon as I recall. With pictures, too!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Takut





Shivering,



Sneezing,




Sniffing.





I'm scared.




Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Biskuat!

Hiya.

My shoulders, arms and thighs are sore like I've been in a marathon for 250kms, carrying along 2kilo dumbbells.

5th and 6th December-
Worked for two loooong days as promoters, thanks to the job, I am now 'tanned'. Errrr. 'Burnt' is the appropriate term, I think. I have eye bags like I've been carrying around 300 pounds of luggage under it. But 300 bucks is worth it after working for 26 hours on weekends, and a festival, with A LOT of uncivilized people. Trust me, you don't know even a bit of how the people were behaving.
Life's a game and it's not fair.


About this 'promoter' job, Ego and I worked for 2 days, at the Jom Heboh Festival, organised by TV3.

I stole this picture from Conscious, so mind the "cute" comment embedded on the picture, ya?


We were told that its a 10-10 job, but when we got there, boy we were duped. We worked for 13 hours, in the sun, and also in the rain, not drizzle-type, well, you get the point.

Day 1 - We were asked to hold 5 paper bags, each, and 'promote'. The paper bags were heavy, mind you, 5 products, and the strings of the paper bags didn't help much, either. Both of us clicked with 3 other promoters instantly. Helena, Amy and Nini. Helena was the one who gave us the job. This is also the day I suffered a major migraine, but I still had to work. Ego was being all dramatic with her line "I'm dying.....your friend is dying.....iIm literally dyiiiingg...". Day 1 ended wiht both of us feeling like jellyfishes and our skin color drastic change. You might even mistake us from one in another race. Okay, I'm exaggarating.

Day 2 - We were told today, we are allowed to cary around 3 bags each, thank you, finally. This was the day we found out that both Amy and Nini's boyfriends were working on our team, as the crew. I bonded with a few other people, like Elfy and this other guy-yang-aku-tak-sempat-tanya-nama-tapi-he-saw-me-betulkan-my-bra. Hahaha! Elfy's cute, but when I told that to B, he said, 'you betul ke? sampah kot, hahaha!' and his younger borther overheard, and even looked at me weird. He IS cute okay. Even Ego said so. Helena, Amy and Nini turn out the be the awesome-est people you could ask for when working. Kutuk boleh, tipu boleh, ponteng boleh, borak pun boleh. Sumpah tak tipu, diorang best. I'm going to miss working with those guys again.


Oh, I forgot to mention that B visited me both days. :) Day 1 with Tasnim, and Day 2 with his parents, which I ran and hid behind the booth and didn't come out for 10 minutes. haha!

The job was awesome overall, superbly tiring, but awesome nonetheless.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Buncit






"If I tell you I love you,
Can I keep you forever?"


Casper



The kinds of moments that you wish would happen to you, don't you think?


Iloveyousayang.
9 months old, and still going. :)



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Screw Me

So much for a drama-free life.

I have been slaving away since the start of exams, and nobody seems to notice that, they just give out more orders. And since the holidays started, and an uneventful occurrence happened, my life took a drastic turn. I am now the ultimate slave, so please, go ahead and wipe your snot on my hair.

The life and times of an ultimate slave is inclusive of being screamed at, being nagged at, being the punching bag. An ultimate slave does anything and everything to ease down anger or sadness. The job description does not end there, my fellow friends. An ultimate slave has to do the laundry, dishes, pets, cleaning, the stuff a maid does daily. Why the hell am I working as an ultimate slave, you ask me?

Because I don't have the privilege of saying 'NO'. Yes, that's right, I am allowed to only say yes, nod my head and agree. No matter how painful, stupid or fucked up the situation might be. I am only left to my thoughts from midnight till dawn. At dawn, my ego disappears and I resume to my superbly wonderful job.

Most of you would have draggy jobs, I assume. And most of you have the privilege of waking to a relaxing atmosphere. But I, have obligations, that I can't refuse. Sad, it is. But nothing takes the cake but being an ultimate slave without no-one to talk to. Thus, this ultimate slave, who happens to be tech-savvy, turns to her blog, instead.

This ultimate slave is going to be here for a long, long, loooooong time. So, if you need yourself a handy helper? Contact me here : 1800-I-AM-FUCKED-UP. If the line appears busy, you can mail the ultimate slave at screwover@lifesucks.com.


Thank you for reading my biography. It's been a pleasure to introduce my life to the people who thinks that they have a "Sucky" life.



Sunday, November 22, 2009

I'll Remember



Yes, I'll remember those exact words, and those specific actions.

Thank you.


I now have a life, drama-free.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Confession

I forgot the feeling of watching movies alone, and being able to keep the envy feelings to myself. Whenever I see couples, (which obviously, is on a daily basis) I get all jealous and turn away. Wai? Oh well, we're going to be 9 months this month. Time flies, kan? We were thinking of getting away, next February, but yesterday, when he told me that he got a job with a 5 month contract, I didn't even give myself an opportunity to feel surprised. I somehow knew it was coming. I am just too lazy to think about it.

Sigh, sigh, sigh. He's finishing his contract in April. I'm finishing my 4th semester in May. Probably he'll have time for me, then? I texted Conscience, and told her that B is always with work, and rarely spends a whole day with me, and said, "I won't ever be able to spend a day with him, no interruptions, will i?" and She replied, "Of course you will, kahwin nanti.hihi"

I shall wait for my wedding day then. I shall wait for the day, where everything will change. Or will it?

Maybe it will just change to having a busy Boyfriend, to having a busy Husband.

Sigh. I guess this is why I don't see us married? :'(






R

rindu.



rindu.



rindu.



rindu.



;'(

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Letter

"Hari yang bahagia bagiku apabila kali pertama bertemu denganmu,
Masa yang terindah bagiku adalah pabila hendak menjalinkan hubungan denganmu,
Apabila ku mendapatmu, tidak terkata perasaan dihatiku ini,
Betapa gembiranya aku menyayangi, dan menghormati,
Tidak sekali terlintas difikiranku bahawa kau sudi menerimaku,
Tetapi bagiku tidak kira setiap detik, masam hari, bulan, tahun dan abad sekalipun,
Perasaan dihatiku, sama ada kecewa, gembira, atau marah sekalipun,
Yang TERPENTING antara semua yang kukatakan tadi adalah;

Perasaanku apabila ku jatuh CINTA padamu.

Jangan sesekali terfikir bahawa cintaku akan kurang,
Kerana, ianya tidak akan terjadi sama sekali, wahai cintaku.

I'll always LOVE you, baby."


-My one and only.
:')

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Numb



2 down, 2 to go.







When I wish for so many things that would bring me smiles,
I didn't even think to wish for my happiness.
Sigh

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Bee





I've been busy, and out of sync.

Will write soon.










Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Ty





















"i hope he's lucky too.."













Friday, October 16, 2009

Notebook

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me… everyday”

- Noah, The Notebook



I am so in love with you.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Fiksyen

Everything dimmed except for the spotlight upon your figure as you walked away. I spy with my rear view mirror, you were exhaling cigarette fumes, walking morosely until I saw pitch black. I thrust my gear, and drove. I went straight, and somehow I know things are different now. I have no light to guide me, I am lost. I'm driving nowhere. You are just a state of mind, you were not real, I tell myself. But, who was I to kid. I jammed the brakes and stopped the car. There and then, I broke down. This was fake. I was used. You were ....

Oh, how my sweet hopes are fucked.
Your love is just Lust.
Wise words are Bull.

Thanks, Stranger.


I think I've lost my faith somewhere along my pointless drive.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

G

You're not gone, you're just not here.



Eh, wait.





Lemme look at this situation again,






.....



.....



analyzing....

...

....
..


Oh, You are GONE.



It was just my imaginations, I thought my fairy tales was coming true.


Unloved.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

F

Fuck.
Why would it hurt, when its in the past?
What happened to 'let bygones be bygones'

Fuck.
Why would terrible news comes after you a few strikes in a row?
Why would fate do this to a person who is willing to sacrifice?

Why?
Why?
Why?

I ask, and I ask.

But the questions are left unanswered.

MotherF.
Why exactly, when you really think that you're starting to be happy, you find out something that is devastatingly sad.

I know it's selfish to be emotional right now.
But.


I just don't want to feel a fuck now.


Fuck off, fucking no fucking use fucking problems.
Just Fuck Off.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Blush-Cheeked Girl

Every beat of my heart scream of your name,
Every trickle of sweat is caused by your superiority.
I blush my cheeks, to hide my shame.
I wish I was yours for an eternity.

I watched you walk past me everyday,
With no sign of interest, I see you walk away,
Your ignorance triggers my curiosity,
So then, I decided to stalk you anonymously.

One day I saw you light your red Marlboro,
With what I see, a frown upon your face.
Right then I knew my feelings for you would grow,
So I walked away with a quick pace.

You would go missing for weeks,
There were no longer of my burning cheeks.
But when you were back in action,
My mind would work overtime in math and fractions.

I finally plucked my courage to say Hello.
Your reply was short and mellow.
I was excited, but disappointed, nonetheless.
So I figured, I would stop being obsessed.

24 hours passed by,
You walked my way and greeted a cheery Hi.
I smiled and left,
Thinking If I should have...

You followed me to my class door,
Opened the door, like a gentleman, for ever more.
You continued to woo the Blush Cheeked Girl,
Until you gave her life a whirl.

Her love was finally spoken for,
It is you and me, forever and more.




Totally fictitious.
I want my fairy-tales to come true so bad, its depressing.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Whinehouse

why do I whine so much lately?


nose is blocked, sometimes running like fire hydrant bocor.
headache won't seem to go away after those dreadful tears.
workload is too much for me to cope with, really, it is.
friends are too far off that I can't smother them with my whines.



SEEEE. I'm whining again.
Babilah. Babi. Babi. Babi.
Grrr

Monday, October 5, 2009

Again, again!

"What is LOVE anyway?"
"It's nothing but a fantasy"


It goes along the lines of that.



I LOVED WATCHING 500 DAYS OF SUMMER!



<3

Pfft.

WHY IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN AM I MISSING EVERYONE ALL OF A SUDDEN?


Sheeeeeeesh!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Rindu

dearest B.


I miss you dearly.
Though I get to see you, I'm still missing you.

You've put a spell on me. :)

I miss the times that I could hang out with you and your friends,
and play around with your cats.

I miss the times that I have you all to myself.

Imy, Ird.




Nak cubit perut boleh?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Tears and Joy

My place


Peah's Place


Bird's Place


The long-awaited Apple Danish Picture


The Whole Extended Family






These people, have done wondrous things.
They made me smile, laugh and cry (laughing).
They are my tears and joy,
My love and my life,
My friends. :)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Keliru

rasa macam nak nangis.
rasa macam nak jerit.
rasa macam nak meronta.
rasa macam nak melompat.
rasa macam nak menyanyi.


kenapa rasa macam-macam ni?
tak suka la.

tak boleh concentrate.

:(

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Dear Heart,

It's easier if people just close their eyes & never expect.
I know, impossible.




Dear Heart,

Where have you been lately?
Right here, buried by your emotions.


Why are you so fragile lately?
Because I think you're not being fair to Brain and Conscious, they have a say in your life, too.


I see that you've been strong through all this.
Yes, I have, you just don't know how much pain I'm going to be into if I let you continue.


Teach me to love sincerely, would you?
Of course, to love someone is when you know you are content with yourself, but, it is of course, easier said than done, you just need time, H.


Teach Brain to think wisely, can you?
Sure, anything to make you and I impervious to emotional nonsense.


Heart, can you tell me whether I am doing the right thing?
No, H. I can't that is something that only Conscious and Brain knows. I only take care of how you feel, and how to feel.


Heart, continue being strong for me, will you?
Most definitely, H. Anything for you.




Thank you, dear Heart.






H


:)


:)





A beginning of everything wonderful, said the guy to her. She just nodded and smiled; he kissed her forehead gently, and whispered ‘forever and always, I’m yours’. They were inseparable since then, eyes that never parted from each other, finishing each other sentences, and they even sang together, creating a new harmony, breathtaking melody, music that was understood by everybody, touching people souls and piercing their thoughts with the words.

As she was revisiting her past, she felt her goose bumps rising; she lifted her head up, and was wearing a smile, a smile only known by him and her. She knew that he was there with her, holding her hand, supporting her. Tears fell again, this time it was weaved with slow sighs and whimpers.

She remembered how both of them was riding on his red Vespa, cruising through busy traffic in 5th Avenue, there had been an accident on that road, he was distraught by the scene, and so, she calmed him down, as they were busy talking, a black BMW3215i swerved in front of them, and everything went dark.




:)

Hnnh.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Boyot


:)


Spinning

Well, Raya was okay-ish. Was soooo excited to meet Kambing, but in the end, we had a fight and he came by my aunt's house and dropped off the stuffs, and that was it. Sighhh. But, it was good seeing him again.


Thanks again for Starfish, Purple dinasour and the Dark Blue Slim. :)


Things with B have been GOOD! I'm loving every minute of it, and I have to spend every free minute I have with Boyot, too, since B is off to work for 3 months starting 1st October. Boohoo.


Sigh. No muse. No words coming out. Though when I was back in JB, I had tonnes of ideas, my bad for not putting it down on paper, or save it in my phone.

Oyeah, 18th October is my Convocation. Sunflowers and teddy bears please. :D

And, and, and, Who's coming with me to Perhentian/Singapore soon? Let's make this a fun-filled trip! *I sound like a bad jingle, don't I?*


More updates, when I feel like it.Taa

Monday, September 14, 2009

Inside beats.




Soyez le fort, cher coeur.
Car tout vient avec un défi.
Vous devez juste vous reposer et respirer.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

kuat?





be strong, Heart, please.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

you, yes, you.




What I need, What I feel, What I want


is

YOU.

Who I want to hug, Who I want to make my nights brighter, Who I want to cry to, Who I want to share my laughs with, Who I want to be pampered by


is also

YOU.


Can't YOU see?
I've got YOU on my mind, in my heart.
All the way, everyday.



Erm





kenapa mesti kita rasa bosan?

and bila kita bosan, kenapa kita rasa unloved?








Monday, September 7, 2009

:')


Beautiful

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Understand



true dat.

Susahnya

Its hard to let go, I know.



Where are you, kambing?
I've missed you.

Why don't you give me a call when it's all through?
I've been craving for your voice all day.

Why don't you explain to me why am I on cloud nine?
I've been floating all day.

Why don't you come over and see me?
I'm dying to lay my head on your shoulder.

Why don't you sing for me?
I'd love to drop tears of gratitude.


Where are you?
Oh, there you are,
right inside my heart,
engraved on my thoughts,
and tattooed on my soul.







This is definitely getting harder.
I don't want to choose.
I don't want to let go.






Friday, September 4, 2009

Sabar

six seven eight triple nine eight two one two.



Sememangnya, pilihan aku masih belum muktamad, aku masih diambang kekeliruan, aku masih memerlukan petunjuk-petunjuk yang akan memapah aku kearah yang aku tidak akan sesali. Aku masih memerlukan masa untuk memikirkan tentang risiko-risiko yang aku akan hadapi. Aku masih memerlukan kewarasan minda. Aku masih memerlukan suara-suara hati dan akal fikiranku untuk berdebat. Aku masih memerlukan pilihan-pilihanku menunjukkan betapa berbaloinya mereka padaku.

Aku masih memerlukan diriku sendiri untuk menilai.
Aku masih memerlukan diriku untuk berfikir.
Aku masih memerlukan kepercayaan pada diriku.

Kerana, pada masa ini, mindaku terlampau sesak untuk berfikir.
Emosiku terlampau tidak stabil untuk merasa.
dan, sifat Fizikalku sangat penat untuk mengambil tindakan.




"Be patient, heart. It'll come"
-b.rosly

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Storyline

Blank pages bind together creates a promise to fulfill an empty life,
Black calligraphic handwriting eases down onto the pages of empty sorrow,
Red ink of devastation creates a dramatic twist in a once flat, lifeless soul,
Pink flowers, glitters and hearts fills the days of love the soul never had before,
A life was so unfamiliar, yet so smoothly written down on pieces of scattered paper,
Again, was put together to create new chapters of life,
Creates a new story, full of life, full of zest.

Oh, how simple a book of fiction can be written,
Oh, how hard for us to mold a storyline for our own chronicle.

The writer's block, the misuse of words, the typographical errors.
The pause of hesitation, the exaggeration of drama, the mistakes that were made.

How similar the processes of a book and of our life,
yet the huge difference is how we choose to write it, to portray it.
The possibilities of our lives becoming a fiction, a chic-literature, romance, science fiction are huge.

But yet we do not know what kind of story we are living now, and what kind of storyline awaits us.


I am blinded by words everyday, and I am secretly hoping for a miracle to happen as I walk through the words of my biographical novel. A magical tragedy that brings me right to a happy ending, without going through any rough patches, or pauses of hesitation.

Some of you might not understand what I'm trying to say, but I sincerely say here, I am a mere human being with feelings, thoughts and doubts. So, these are just my humble thoughts.




Crossroads

Kenapa begitu susah untuk melepaskan sesuatu peluang yang mempunyai risiko tinggi untuk merosakkan diri sendiri? Mengapa harus kita terlalu ikutkan kata-kata hati? Kalau nak ikutkan logik, seharusnya kita memilih sesuatu tindakan yang membolehkan ktia bahagia, tenang sentiasa, dan juga sering melemparkan senyuman. Tapi, bukankah ia menjadi sesuatu masalah jika terdapat dua pilihan yang begitu hebat magiknya, begitu hebat implikasinya terhadap hidup kita?


Well, I was just wondering, it's not everyday you face these kind of situation, but when you are forced to deal with it, it takes your heart, your mind and your soul to a death plunge. Everyday, you have to be careful of your words, your choices, your desired actions, for each significant move may result in something you might regret your whole life. Okay, yes, I'm exaggarating.

Sometimes I wish life's answers to troubles is just
Yes or No.
Not multiple choices.
Or Open ended.
Or Fill in the blanks.

You get what I mean.


I want my life to be simplified, but yet, I'm making it complicated?

So yeah, I'm at crossroads now, I can't think straight.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Air Lemon

He's my sunshine in the rain.
My Tylenol when I'm in pain.

He's soothing like, the ocean rushing on the sand.
He's exactly what I need.

He's my smile when I'm feeling blue.
My midnight sleep when the day is through.

Kinda like the feeling after your first kiss,
except everyday he makes me feel like this.


-Lemonade, Passion.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

yeah-huh

whole








To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.











malas nak type.


daaaaaaaaaaaymn giiirl~ ;)

ketua glenmarie

ketua shah alam
jmoking buddies

Saturday, August 22, 2009

random

irritated.
this itch, this pain, this irritation.


please go away lah.


my birthday is looming. i am getting old.
and i don't get the chance to celebrate it.
woo-hoo!

longest face ever.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

both of you :)

Hey there, I just want to make things clear, this is a friendly post.

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but its just that I don't want anything to do with your drama. I'm not on anyone's side, as for I have my own problems to dramatize about. I mean, no offense here, you're still my friend, and she's still who she is. That's something I can't change. I won't go on her back, and I won't go on yours. I don't want to be on either of you guys' bad side. I just want you guys to let it go, if ada orang yang cari pasal, then, waive your flag, the egos and dramas are not exactly helping your situation. Senang cerita, be the bigger man once in awhile kay. And please, let me go from all this drama, I have nothing to do with it. Pleaseandthankyou. :)

Stuck Babies.


i know athirah, peah, anith is not in the photo, but nevertheless, you guys are my:

Forever and Always. :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Keju Mozarella betul.

After all this while busying myself with assignments and tests, yesterday's rumors that I received was as painful as a bullet through my head. ok, im slightly exaggarating.

Ada ke UiTM nak cuti semster?

What the fish. Penat lelah aku study bagai nak cuckoo, tiba-tiba cuti sem. Best gila lah. Finally, when my brain starts to function normally, classes stop.


Oh, the joy I feel. Now I have to study at home, and wait for my finals. -_____-"




Crap. My head is spinning again, for the 332nd time this week.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

PENAT!
PENAT!
PENAT!
PENAT!
PENAT!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

bad

i wanna touch but i gotta keep control of my hands, i wanna touch you but you probably making love to your girl, i wanna touch you but i gotta make myself understand, that i cant, but i cant, understand that i cant.


-i wanna touch you


why are you constantly on my mind?



this is bad.
yep.
it's bad.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Punching Bag, again.

explode.

explode.

explode.

explode.


cry.

Kambing

you make my day brighter by just saying hello.
suara sedap en.
hehe.





thank you, kambing. :)

Memorable.

weaving through subang jaya traffic on WPS 9601.
the wind blowing her black leather jacket, making her feel as if she's the queen of the road.

eyes squinting, she hugged her rider tight. his warm body feel as comforting as ever.

if the time would stop, this was the perfect moment. she felt as if all her trouble was blown away by the impact of the scooter that was cruising fast.

she didn't want to have a destination, she wanted the moment, the elecrticity she felt right then. it gave her shivers, a chill through her body.

her fingers danced to the vibrations of the speed. her stomach did backflips, and her lips carved a seductive smile.

she wanted him, her rider, her love of her life to be with her always.

they arrived at a hilltop, overviewing Bangsar, and he laid out a checkered picnic blanket. he took out a bottle of bubbly and a scrumptious-looking buffet that he made from scratch.

*mmmm* she mumbles. this is perfect. from afar, they could see skyscrapers blinking, motorcars whizzing by, and she got lost in her thoughts.

an embrace from her back woke her up from her thoughts. she smiled a heart-melting smile, and turned around to face her soulmate.

he swept her off her feet, carrying her to the blanket and laid her down. they conversed, their eyes full of sparkle. it was dessert already, oh how time flies by. he said he has a surprise. he opened a container with tiramisu in it. she gasped.

she was instantly brought back to her favourite accident, the day they first met.

Secret Recipe Taipan. They fought over who should have the last piece of Tiramisu on display. He gave in, she went home smiling. They met up frequently then, just as coffee buddies, but it is undeniable chemistry that they had. They went out from SR that day, two weeks after their first encounter, holding hands.

Any way to make her pleased, her lover learned how to bake her Tiramisu. and tonight, he surprised her. as they were enjoying their sweet dessert, something in her mouth made her heart stopped beating.

she took out that piece of distraction, stared at it, and cried.

he bent down on one knee, and said "will you do me the honour of being my wife?" he smiled, and kissed her on the forehead.

she was speechless, nodded her head profusely. "yes, yes, and a million times yes" tears stream down her flushed cheeks.

they got lost in each other's embrace, and the rest, was history.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

At loss for words.

Currently am using the father's laptop, since brother is using mine. Feel like writing, but there are no sane words that are forming in my brain. UiTM is closed for a week, due to H1N1 situation, and I heard rumors that our Aidilfitri holidays will only be for 4 days. Blagh. Told you this is going to suck.

It's only Sunday and I've run out of things to do. Probably I should slot in some jogging time here.
The boyfriend is not going to be around for another 3 weeks. Boo-hoo. My friends are scattered, some are grounded, and some are busy. I am left alone. Again, boo-hoo.

Classes has been hectic and boring, but it was fun in the sense of I get to hang out with my friends, lepak at countless mamaks. And have bottomless refills of Teh-O-Ais. But I miss Melaka more, though. Shah Alam is a bore. And when I start to think that, Subang Jaya also puts me off.

I have no idea where I like anymore. Or maybe Subang would be more fun if I had Sharawy. :(
I'd love for him to be here right now.

God, I'm starting to crap. Taa.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

going crazy

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa





i am going mad for these sudden assignments and presentations.
:(:(:(


oh, and i love my lecturer who says "ok" 121 times in 25 minutes.
yes, i counted.
and every now and then, he says 'correct me or not?'


Thursday, July 16, 2009

Part 1.

If you think this is worth continuing, let me know. I'll try to extend this. :)
It's totally fiction, and I'm new at this.



As she stared into the gray slab in front of her, her knees dropped, hot tears came flooding her blushing cheeks. Her fondest memories flew passed her eyes, making her moan even louder. She could not stand the thoughts, but there was no way of stopping it. She cried, until there was nothing to cry about. Her dreams died when he died, she thought to herself. She lets out a helpless sigh.

She remembered the first time they met, smoky room, loud rock music in the air. His eyes met hers, instant goose bumps. Right there, she knew he was the one to be with. He smiled, she melted. No conversation was needed; it's the chemistry that they felt. No goodbyes were bid, but both of them knew they would meet up again, somehow.

She saw flashbacks of herself, going to concerts, emceeing and singing. Then she stopped at a familiar face in the crowd. She beams a smile, and managed to rock out her performance like a born superstar would. His presence meant that she would be able to feel the chemistry she felt 3 weeks ago. She trotted down the stairs, and waited for him to catch her eyes. She waited for a solid 7 minutes, but he didn’t even look her way, disappointed, she looked away and started to leave the hall. As she was walking out, she felt a tap on her shoulder, one that felt very electrifying, could it be? She thought to herself. She turned around; there he was, with a winning smile that made her knees felt weaker than ever.



Hannah.

previous

my previous post was totally fiction.
:)




don't worry, I'm A-OK.
Feeling on top of the world, and being totally random? :)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Ignorance

So there he sat, in an unfurnished room.
He took out his black zippo, lit the cigarette hanging by his lips.

He lets out a smoky sigh, and continues to swim in his deep thoughts.
He swam, but at times, he drowned. He frowned upon the depressing pictures in his head.

Another cloud of smoke was exhaled.
The girlfriend entered the room.
"Baby, I'm worried, are you okay? I love you, just wanted to let you know that."

But all that came out of his mouth was..
"Fuck off"

Ouch. Ignorance is tough.

latest

Lo and behold, my latest news: (omg, I am so lame)
I got into RMIT.

Dreams do come true, I guess?
After the interview with Mr. Peter Sorenson,
the submitted application,
along with my portfolio,
my writings (I even included both my blog addresses)
and my photography, I got in.



A shocker, ain'nit?
Alhamdulillah is all I can say.


It's just that, now I'm not so sure if I want to go.
-_____-"

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Jadual Waktu

MC224

Classes has started.
Here's my schedule *tears a little*

Monday - 8.30-10.20 French
10.30-12.20 Communication Research and Methods
2.10-5.00 Elective Course

Tuesday - 10.30-12.20 Consumer Behaviour
2.10-4.00 Advertising Copywriting
6.10-9.00 Management

Wednesday - 8.30-10.20 Marketing Research
10.30-12.20 Ethnic Relations

Thursday - 8.30-10.20 Communication Research and Methods (Tutorial)
2.10-4.00 Advertising Copywriting
4.10-6.00 Consumer Behaviours

Friday - 10.30-12.20 Ethnic Relations
5.10-7.00 Marketing Research


I have 9 subjects in total this semester, if I can, I'll try to excel, but at the moment being, I am feeling very depressed about the schedule. Sangat packed kan? :(

Friday, July 3, 2009

Abah.

So, here I am,
Sitting in this enormous green field,
The stars as my companion,
The moon as my chaperon.

Fearful thoughts of people leaving,
Intimate memories that kept me believing.

The dark sky lights stars that makes me shiver,
The tears that I've been holding in is making me quiver.

A figure appeared behind the dark shady trees,
Treading the shallow puddle of waters beneath it.
A smile was visible.

The figure seem to hold out its hands,
She lifted her eyebrows in surprise.
Without knowing who it was,
She ran towards the figures,
Tears dropped as she ran.

Through her mind,
Her thoughts cleared up.

She hugged the mysterious man,
and said "I Love You, Dad."
"Thanks for being here for me when I needed you the most."




Wrote this on Father's Day.
I Love You, Abah.
Thanks for all the support, I'll try to be the best daughter I can.

Addiction


He is my husband. We have a house together.
Hahaha.

Longing

"You are the air traffic control to my aircraft.

You’re always ready help me off the ground..

.. and though I may not hear from you while I’m in the air..

.. you’re right there with me when I need to land."

-Gabe Bondoc


Isn't he the sweetest? I want my boyfriend now. :(

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

like glue.

would it be awesome if we had like a gadget that can erase painful memories? I'd have it in my bag all the time. anytime you feel hurt by your memories, bzzt. it goes away. every time you saw someone that takes you back to old, hurtful memories, bzzt, it goes away.

okay, I'm bullshitting.

how come it looks so easy when other people do it?
why is this trail of thoughts following me everywhere?
the best distraction for me, used to be my job in promod.
but until recently, even the job can't distract me from feeling gloomy.

now, i found a better solutions to my problems and thoughts.
having day outs with kishi, may, mel and the others.
they seriously make me forget all my fears, my thoughts and my pain.

sometimes you can only wonder how people get by after you've been shot.
now, i've found my answer. my girls who never fails to make me laugh.

i love them like no other.
even more than my boyfriend. well, duh. :)

i am just glad I've found my tears and laughter friends.


Alhamdulillah.

Monday, June 29, 2009

right back at you.

back again.

why is it all the positive thinking is biting me in the ass?

being hopeful, being helpful, being too strong, too friendly. being too positive in general?

i don't want this. i'm not liking this.



at the end of the day, all i can really do is just let out a helpless sigh, and toughen myself up for the future? seems like a daily routine. well, i'll better get myself ready for the emotional roller coaster.


:)

Trance

Have you ever stared into blank space, and when you snap out of your trance, you find out something new about you?

Well, I found out that I am actually stronger, emotionally.




I have a thousand thoughts racing in my mind, yet I can’t even pen it down. Something is wrong, and I don’t like the looks of it.
:(

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Eff Off

you can slowly EFF yourself to DIE. you mother EFF.

As you can see, I am still pissed.

I never did any of this to you. Have I?
If I did, I never rubbed it in your face, you ruthless B.



My anger is back people.
Fasten your seat belts.


Friday, June 26, 2009

WAI?

Berulang kali ku mencuba, memujuk hati, lupakan semua kenangan..

Why on earth would I be thinking about this? Why would I be sad? Why am I crying now?

ShitShitShit. This is not happening. I effing hate the drama.

Even when things ended, you still lie to me?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Perhaps?

Every time you hold my hand, you make my heart beat faster.

Every time you pull me into your arms, you make my heart leap.

Every time you kiss me on my forehead, I feel the time stopped running.

Every time you surprise me with a hug, you make me smile, and feel as if, we're the only ones in the universe.

Every time you kiss my hands, I wish that you can love me forever.

Every time i stare in your eyes, I find myself at peace.

Every time that we sit quietly and stare at each other, I know we're going to last.

Don't let me go, because I won't ever let you.

I do not dare to say I'm head over heels for you, but my I just want you to know, I'm here for you, always and hopefully, forever.




Perhaps, I AM in love?
It took me this long, to realize that he means so much to me.
Maybe I wasn't ready before. :(

Monday, June 22, 2009

Penat

It's been a while, I'm so tied up, I can't even breathe.

Degree applications, Diploma verifications, Loan applications, Sales at promod, Cash flow like water. :(



I am tired. I am tired. Tired, I am.


Take me to a holiday PLEAAAASEEEE~

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Advertising (Honours)

Though I've said some regretful things about my previous institution and what happened, I'm glad they still offered me Advertising (Honours) for my bachelor. Alhamdulillah, this girl is going to further her studies akhirnya.

Aussie plans might be postponed, due to late application forms and I got this offer first.

UiTM dihatiku, afterall?


Geez, no.

Friday, June 12, 2009

results, burgers and late night crushes.

I am SO totally in LOVE!

Gabe Bondoc of CA, marry me, please! I love youuuuuuuuuuuu! *Girlish fan scream* Check him out in YouTube people, he's awesome and he's hot!

So there, my late night, new found crush. Rawrrrrr~


My results is kicking yo! Well, I bet most of the students from my batch has better results, but who cares, I'm not suspended, and I have good results. This couldn't be better. :D:D:D:D

The boyfriend was being super nice, even though I wasn't so nice to him. He knew I didn't eat a proper meal today, and dropped me off my fave burger, just so he knows that I've eaten something today. Thanks sayang. That's the second time you came by my house just do give me something to eat, I love you for it. :D:D

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Speechless.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck




not because of the results, I just feel like cursing today. FUCK!

Return of the Pain

I wish that you would call me right now, so that I could get through to you somehow.

Oh shit, the 'pain' is back.

Haven't you noticed, the star that shines the brightest will always burn out the fastest?

I'm at home for two weeks now, I thought that if I spent my time at home, I'd get to spend more time with my friends, my family, the boyfriend. But hell I was wrong, I'm starting to think no more RMIT for me, just work and make myself busy.

Starting in Promod again next Monday, so if anyone wants to go out with me, please book me early ok? Yeah, right. Like someone would actually want to spend time with me. I'm a bore.

Boo-hoo.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nutcase?

To Comel_Sitompok, who ever the fuck you are, please fuck off, and leave me alone.

You added me in Ym, asking me a whole lotta stuff, and when I ask who you are, you say anything to evade it. And when I refuse to entertain you, you say shit about me. Like nutcase, much?

Calling me gemok won't offend me, because that's already a nickname for me. So yeah.
Calling me sombong or budget or whatever it is that you said, won't make me pissed off, it just makes me remind myself why I don't entertain people like you.

I bet you don't even know me that well. Or maybe you're just a friend of someone? One who is trying to figure me out? Well, go on, try me.





Shitfuck.


Cleanfreak, much?

Got so bored today, I cleaned up the WHOLE ROOM.



My sis's bed with new bedsheets.



My bed. :)



Back door, with lights. :)



OH OH OH, I am SO proud of myself. Ngeeeeeee.

Sharawy.




So yeah, introducing, Sharawy. My current boyfriend.

Can't say I'm head over heels or anything, but I'm glad he showed up, because he did a lot of things to make me feel better about myself. He never fails to put up a smile on my face. Anytime, anywhere. I guess I'm smitten, and hopefully this won't turn out bad.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Puas Hati?

Okay, I am questioning what exactly satisfaction is. (can I?)
Where exactly do you get satisfaction from?
What exactly satisfies you?

From the things you do, or from the things you are rewarded or the consequences after all those things you have done?

Real satisfaction is what I want. What I am looking for.

Does satisfaction come from people? From things?
From achievements? Is it a type of reward?

Do you really get satisfied by spending the whole day with your sweetheart a day before he/she is going oversea to further their studies?
Do you really get satisfied when you find out that your GPA is an astounding 4 flat and your parents really don’t care?

Is satisfaction the type of reward that everyone need?
Is satisfaction really all that?

I know I am full of questions, but I am intrigued by what satisfactory is.

Is this called satisfaction, when –
1. After a fight with your sweetheart, you kiss and makeup.
2. After all the hard work, you finally get recognized for what you do.
3. After having a blast performing on stage, the crowd cheers for more.

The feeling that you get. Where your blood rushes up to your head you suddenly feel like you’re on top of the world?

That great feeling, where you can’t help but to want for more? Is that it?

So, is it just a feeling that people get?

Is satisfaction the same as a reward?
A reward, mentally? Physically? Emotionally?
A type of reward that you can’t actually see?

Is satisfaction ever enough? I know it’s not for me, I always strive for more.

To me, satisfaction is a part of greediness. You’ll never settle for a bit.

What satisfies you the most?
- Having a great day?
- Listening to good music?
- Eating a scrumptious meal?
- Spending your own paycheck on the stuff that you always wanted?
- The day when you finally get over your old flame?

The world is in for a never-ending satisfaction hunt.
So am I, let’s join in.


To sum it up, after writing all of this down, my OWN conclusion is;

Satisfaction is a part of greediness, a feeling of greatness, is addictive, and very dangerous, since it drives people to do more and get more satisfaction, even by all means to step on other people’s head and stabbing other people’s backs. It is also considered as one of the best motivational skills. And to me, it is also a type of reward, a type of reward that can’t be seen by the naked eye. Unseen but meaningful. BUT, if I mixed up satisfaction with another feeling/thing, I guess I’m confused. Hah.

And after you get satisfied, what happens?

Satisfaction is never enough. Enough said.

But I wonder, does this really answer my question. Does it really?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Slumber

Waited forever for this moment.

He fell asleep on his chair, I took this opportunity to stare at his features. Soft eyes, a mole on top of his left brow, glistening silver stud at the corner of his right lower lip. His face frowns of the heat, he lets out a light sigh.

Oh, I melted right that instant. We were supposed to talk, but I'm scared that I'll bore him off his ass. So, I watched him dozed off to a deep slumber.

When I got back home, I was eager to let him know how much I loved him, but, instead, certain things happened. The thought never came out of my head.

It's weird how things NEVER go according to your plans, right?

Hmmmm. Well, moving on.. I've been busy working this past month, now I resigned, and currently jobless. Guess it was a stupid move to resign in the first place. *smacks my own head

I'm crapping, so, I'll blog later. Not so much in blogging mood. Missing him oh so much. And missing work, too. Joei and Eshia, I'll be waiting for our day out okay? *grins* Love you guys for not labeling me as a typical M. (You know what I mean)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

relief

i am fucking not suspended!



Alhamdulillah. :D

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Verdict.

The mallot was slammed. She pushed the doors out of her way, she didn't like the chilly room, reaching for sunlight and fresh air, she lit up her ciggarette, almost like it was her inhaler for her athma.

She furiously puffed on the slim white cancerstick. Her mind was a mess, her hands are trembling, the ciggarette butt dropped, so did she. She cried silently, but when she got up, she was a whole different person. She was angry, she was pissed nonetheless.

Her verdict was painful to hear, like nails screeching on a blackboard, she wasn't able to accept the fact that she was found guilty of robbing a perfectly model student's chance to graduate. Where did she go wrong this time, she thought to herself.

As she walked passed the zooming cars, she lit another cigg. It was like a breath of fresh air for her, while her mind wanders off to the land of the unknown, she was approached by an elderly gentleman....

"...oppurtunities....turn your life around.....fall.....get back up.." so the old man mumbles on.. She hadn't had a clue what he was saying, but it pierced through her heart, she finally found a spot for her to sit and think. She went over the scene in the dark, chilly room again and again, her tears welling up everytime, until she heard the sound of the mallot beick played back in her head repetitively, hot, fat salty tears wet her burning cheeks.


The verdict was dropped, she thought...

"....I'm going to have to dissapear..."


So, she did.

Monday, April 27, 2009

So close, yet so far.

I just realized one thing.








I am this close to be a graduate,

but yet, I am this far as well.



Sangat sedih.
Ya Allah, help me with my studies and help me with my future.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Back and Forth

I am out of breath. I thought this semester was going to be different, but the workload proved me wrong. My notebook got held up, for those who knows about my case, shush. For those who don't just leave it at that. I am dying to do something about my hair, because it's fucking bothering me. My semester is almost up, so, I shall wait till then. Pink highlights anyone? (I know, I know, lame, but I'm not gonna be in UiTM anymore, kan?)

The sooner I get over this weekend, the less burden I have to deal with. Final test on Saturday, PreGraduates Lunch on Sunday, Final exams on the 21st.

It struck me last two nights, that I might be in a more serious relationship than I realised. Though I have not healed fully, but, maybe its time for me to stop fooling around and get serious. DOn't you think?


I definitely need a holiday awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay from civilization, but not the internet. ;)

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Terkini.

Another 2 weeks to go till study week.
Final paper is on 21st April, can't wait to get it over with. Insya'Allah will finish my studies in April.

Am currently swamped with Pro Project's Report, which is due next week. Very, very tired. Seriously,I've never felt this rushed before. I've slept for 7 hours for the past 3 days. -___-"

Got drained by this celanat kancil. Takpe, ada orang kat sidewalk, laju la lagi, biar air kat tepi jalan tu basahkan dia. Bodoh.

Drove back and forth from KL-Bangsar-Hartamas-Damansara-Subang-KL-Bangsar-Subang.

But, there were a few highlights this week.

Got to see him<3.

Got to meet Athirah, Kishi, and Mai. I have no idea why I LOVE spending time with you guys. I get to be myself, and laugh my ass off. Gila Best OK.

Got my mom to smile. :) Surprised her and gave her white lillies and so-fucking-cute-pink roses for her birthday! (which is today,btw)

And finally, I am on call balik Celaka. (Melaka)

This Semester has been SHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYY!

Hopefully, I'll get through.
On the plus side, my social life is back and kicking!

;)
Toodles

Terkini.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Cepat-cepat Type

It's been a while since I last blogged, kan?

Damn, rindu gila.

But for now, just a recap. Stupid lymph nodes making my body so damn lemah.

I've been busy doing God knows what.
I'm on cloud nine. <3<3
Been hanging out with my friends from Subang.
Been taking dietary supplements, since my lymph nodes are swollen, the edge of my lips crack every oh-so often, and my eyes are getting redder by the second.

Oh, and yeah, I've been a hella lot stronger than before. Thanks to my friends.
*winks

So, no more pushover Hannah.

I'll update more soon.
Toodles.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Travel.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Bismillah banyak-banyak.

I've been eerily happy lately. Haha.

Yes, I have my breakdown moments, but there are things that can cheer me up. During my breakdown moments, I cleaned my room, the balcony, did laundry, played with kittens and baked brownies. Positive things have come out of my moodiness.

Whenever I feel sad, I text, I clean, I sing out loud.

Now, I'm planning my after-diploma vacation!
1st target is- Tioman Island!

Now, Bismillah banyak-banyak so that I can get through this year with just wee little bumps.


I am myself again! (Sometimes) Gaaaaah. :D

Friday, February 27, 2009

Absent-Mind


Yes, this week has been CRAZY.

Let me state some things that I've done that will get you laughing, but before that, I would like to remind you that my mind wasn't sane at the time being, so the actions are pretty much stupid.

  • I drove a the beloved black waja through a MOTORCYLE LANE at the federal highway!Then, my sister, my friends and I pleaded the police officers no to fine us. Yela, 1st time aku buat benda jahat secara TAK SENGAJA. (aku tak tahu tu lane motor, tak nampak signboard, and my friend buat lawak bodoh, and said, if kau bernai masuk la lane tu, with no further thinking, aku masuk je, dah masuk baru tau, gelabah keluar dari lane tu)
  • Time tu jugak la ada 3 ketul police baru balik kerja kan. Haih. Dia suruh bagi each RM10, tapi kitaorang tak bagi. Then dia suruh lari kat tepi federal tu, tapi kitaorang tak buat jugak. Then dia bagi lepas camtu je. Ahahahaha! Merayu doh! Selamat 4 gadis comel *pukes* ada dalam kereta. Ahahaha!
  • If that wasn't stupid enough, later that evening I was in Mid Valley, we were about to go home to our Condo, I went into the passenger seat, point in case, I was the DRIVER! If that doesn't show my absent-minded self, I don't know what would. I was definitely out of my body.
  • We went swimming when it was raining. Baik mandi hujan je kan. Keluar pool dah batuk-batuk.
  • I excused myself from a meeting with SKVE Holdings Manager. (slumber aku je kan, cam company bapak aku plak)
  • I said alot of things that doesn't make sense. Speech-impediment. Ayat aku berterabur, dah tunggang terbalik. Ada ke nangis tersedak-sedak? Ahahahahaha.
  • Oh, and I've stuck between elevator doors dah 4 kali just this week. Now I'm afraid of it.
  • I asked for a breakup when I was driving. Yes, I didn't think of the consequences, me, in a car, raining outside, if the reply was devastating, I would have been in an accident, but, he chose not to reply, and I am fine now.
So, yeah, I've had alot on my mind lately. My friends would know. They've been laughing at me this whole week.

One more thing, I've found myself an overgrown baby! :D
Thanks to Hazizi & Aya.



Monday, February 23, 2009

Help

Things have gone downhill since.

A dear friend passed away. Al-fatihah.
My love life is looking bleak, but I am trying to improve it.
My social life is already gone.



I seriously wish I was somewhere else right now.
I am depressed, yes, I am fucking depressed.

Friday, February 13, 2009

200 ain't worth it


Here's the confirmed lineup for Sunburst 2009.
There are other international artists to be confirmed: Coldplay, etc.



How depressing is this year's sunburst man.
I'd rather pay RM30 to watch local bands at the MCPA.
They play there frequently jugak.


But They Will Kill Us All, Otherside Orchestra, Butterfingers and Twilight Action Girl made me smile. :)







Serious feckin shit, RM200 is NOT worth it.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It Stops Right Here

Where am I supposed to start?

Since months ago, I've been thinking how was it like to be invisible. Yes, I would love to be invisible. I mean, nothing is ever right with my doings. It seems like everything that I say, everything that I do, comes out wrong. Yeah, yeah. Same old, same old. I don't like how my studies are going, I don't like what my relationship is turning out to be. I don't like being the punching bag (again) in my family. And I certainly hate to be a doormat to people.

I hate being a pushover, but I don't know how to be anything else. I live in a world where I have no one to turn to, to talk to, or even be happy with. Lately I just feel as though I've done something so bad that I don't deserve living. Talk about being ungrateful.

I went out jogging today, for the sake of not turning myself into a potato, and for the sake of my relationship. No, he's not leaving me if I go fat. But, I'm sure sometimes he looks at other girls and then, looks at me. Well, I want to be the only girl in his life that he's proud of. After the jog, I felt happy, after so long, I've been pushing myself for a jog. When I was done, I feel as though I've reached something.

But my happiness came to an abrupt end. Mother got back from work and she started saying things as if I've done something terrible. And then she started ignoring me. I mean, what's the whole point of being in this house if I was to be ignored all the time?

Things got worse when the boyfriend text me with a hint of sarcasm. I hate the way things are going right now. I mean, the slightest bit of remark can get me off. No, my period is not here yet, and it won't visit til end of the month. And yeah, I'm just pissed off right about now.

Just when things were about to look up, it goes downhill.
I need my dose of Tender Love and Care, badly.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Stumble.

OK. It's been a while since I updated my blog. The last post was quite unfriendly, but I didn't regret what I said. I mean, it sucks being left alone, but sooner or later, I'll have to deal with it lah kan?

Here's my way of dealing; I'm waiting for Monday Translation class so I can finish my quiz and try to move to another class, so that I'll only have 1 day of classes, Tuesday. I know I'll miss out on the class-fun and all sorts of stuff. But I hate being left alone in the house of horror. (Har. Har.)

On a brighter note, I revamped my room, yet again. Yes, I have nothing better to do. I disassembled my study table, put up my night lights and fairy lights, organized the closets and changed my sheets. Eventhough at the back of my mind, there's this essay that I have to pass up on Tuesday. T_T

I have nothing more to write, oh yeah, I just realised I've been blogging with no photos. Which must be a bore for you to read, right? Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not even sure I have readers who follows my rants. Geez, stop being so bongkak lah Hannah.


Toodle-doo.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Masa

Sudah lama aku tinggalkan ruang ini.

Aku rasa masa adalah suatu benda yang kejam. Kenapa? Masa aku tengah lalai dilamun fikiran indah, masa mengejutkan aku. Tersentak dari lamunan, aku menitiskan air mata. Bukankah masa sepatutnya sesuatu yang indah? Yang priceless, bak kata omputih.

Even when you go through time with patience, it'll still get you. No matter how carefully you plan your life.

Masa tetap akan memainkan peranan dalam hidup aku, dan makin lama, aku makin benci akan masa. Aku terasa hidup ini sangat singkat, dan setiap kesalahan tidak boleh diperbaiki, membuatkan manusia berasa inferior terhadap diri masing-masing. kan?

Mengapa orang di London, US dan Australia tidak mempunyai zon masa yang sama? Masa menimbulkan suatu ruang yang besar untuk berhubung sesama kita. Adakah itu adil?

Masa juga boleh membawa masalah kepada hidup seseorang. Masa boleh mengakibatkan sesorang itu bertukar fikiran, emosi dan attitude. Ya, masa sesuatu yang tidak boleh dijual beli, sesuatu sebegitu superior sepatutnya lebih indah. Lebih mudah difahami.

Yes people, I am currently hating time.

Pardon me for my bad BM blog.