Friday, July 15, 2011
Have you ever had a night so awesome, but ended with tragic?
Well, this nobody have had tons of them. She's used to it. Every time something good happens to her, she'll tell herself that she'll end up crying in the end. So to avoid being hurt, she stopped enjoying life. She stopped hoping, she stopped expecting. Because for her, that's the stuff that's been hurting her all these while. She stopped trusting people. She only knew herself. She only knew how to avoid.
Avoid being happy, avoid going out with friends, avoid falling in love, avoid having a crush on someone, avoid expecting, avoid hoping, avoid, avoid, avoid. That's all she knew, literally.
She lived her life very cautiously. She went to work, and went home. No time spent on outings, no time spent on self-indulgence. She lived her life alone. The only friends she had, she didn't count on them. She was afraid of being disappointed.
She never felt as though she is worthy of a life, everything she did seemed insufficient. She tried so hard to impress, she tried so hard to make people like her, but those efforts came to no avail. That was then, she decided to live on her own. She would occasionally please everyone around her, and she always helped other people. With not a single thank you as a token of appreciation, she learned that people exists to use other people.
That's life, people will use the weak, the nice, the vulnerable to get to the top, to get what they want. She learned that the hard way, but she knew she was contempt with who she is. She liked helping people. She loved the feeling it gives her.
One day it hit her, though she's contempt with who she is, she knew she would never find genuine happiness. She's not able to settle down and be happy. Find a husband, have kids. No she won't.
After years of being contempt, being an optimist, reserved and quiet, she broke down.
She was found dead, with tear stains still visible on her cheeks, now she is truly contempt, she had finally learned what she had to do, and left.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Some of my pros and cons. Go ahead, you be the judge, that's if you wanna be shallow. :)
- I’m not the prettiest/hottest/sexiest girl you’ll ever meet
- I cannot beat you at video games
- I will not automatically know all of your music (unless we have the same exact taste, which is unlikely)
- I’m a little bit pudgy, yes, I am.
- I will not continually take your shit. If you treat me poorly, I will either let the relationship fizzle or I will cut you off, or I'll most likely treat you the same way.
- Get ready for it: If you are rude to me, I will most likely cry. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m angry as fuck.
- I am not an exercise goddess. Step off with your work out shit.
- I need reassurance sometimes that you actually give a shit
- I'm insecure, well, I am a girl.
- I am not that girly
- I will support you no mater what you go through, or what you choose to do. No discrimination
- I’m kind, well, generally
- I’m a little pudgy, BUT! that means I’ve got curves. And boobs. And ass. ;)
- I am independent. I can handle myself, I don’t need to be coddled, except when I'm really upset.
- You will never have to wonder how I feel about you, because when I say something, I mean it
- I need my ladies’ nights as much as you need your boys’ nights
- I can take care of you, I'll cook if I have to. I'll bring meds if you're sick, I'll stay with you until you sleep
- I am VERY PATIENT.
- I can learn about your music and how to play your video games and I will learn more about your interest, and talk to you about it.
So. That’s me, really. Put up or shut up, I don’t have time to play games anymore.