Tuesday, June 30, 2009

like glue.

would it be awesome if we had like a gadget that can erase painful memories? I'd have it in my bag all the time. anytime you feel hurt by your memories, bzzt. it goes away. every time you saw someone that takes you back to old, hurtful memories, bzzt, it goes away.

okay, I'm bullshitting.

how come it looks so easy when other people do it?
why is this trail of thoughts following me everywhere?
the best distraction for me, used to be my job in promod.
but until recently, even the job can't distract me from feeling gloomy.

now, i found a better solutions to my problems and thoughts.
having day outs with kishi, may, mel and the others.
they seriously make me forget all my fears, my thoughts and my pain.

sometimes you can only wonder how people get by after you've been shot.
now, i've found my answer. my girls who never fails to make me laugh.

i love them like no other.
even more than my boyfriend. well, duh. :)

i am just glad I've found my tears and laughter friends.


Monday, June 29, 2009

right back at you.

back again.

why is it all the positive thinking is biting me in the ass?

being hopeful, being helpful, being too strong, too friendly. being too positive in general?

i don't want this. i'm not liking this.

at the end of the day, all i can really do is just let out a helpless sigh, and toughen myself up for the future? seems like a daily routine. well, i'll better get myself ready for the emotional roller coaster.



Have you ever stared into blank space, and when you snap out of your trance, you find out something new about you?

Well, I found out that I am actually stronger, emotionally.

I have a thousand thoughts racing in my mind, yet I can’t even pen it down. Something is wrong, and I don’t like the looks of it.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Eff Off

you can slowly EFF yourself to DIE. you mother EFF.

As you can see, I am still pissed.

I never did any of this to you. Have I?
If I did, I never rubbed it in your face, you ruthless B.

My anger is back people.
Fasten your seat belts.

Friday, June 26, 2009


Berulang kali ku mencuba, memujuk hati, lupakan semua kenangan..

Why on earth would I be thinking about this? Why would I be sad? Why am I crying now?

ShitShitShit. This is not happening. I effing hate the drama.

Even when things ended, you still lie to me?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Every time you hold my hand, you make my heart beat faster.

Every time you pull me into your arms, you make my heart leap.

Every time you kiss me on my forehead, I feel the time stopped running.

Every time you surprise me with a hug, you make me smile, and feel as if, we're the only ones in the universe.

Every time you kiss my hands, I wish that you can love me forever.

Every time i stare in your eyes, I find myself at peace.

Every time that we sit quietly and stare at each other, I know we're going to last.

Don't let me go, because I won't ever let you.

I do not dare to say I'm head over heels for you, but my I just want you to know, I'm here for you, always and hopefully, forever.

Perhaps, I AM in love?
It took me this long, to realize that he means so much to me.
Maybe I wasn't ready before. :(

Monday, June 22, 2009


It's been a while, I'm so tied up, I can't even breathe.

Degree applications, Diploma verifications, Loan applications, Sales at promod, Cash flow like water. :(

I am tired. I am tired. Tired, I am.

Take me to a holiday PLEAAAASEEEE~

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Advertising (Honours)

Though I've said some regretful things about my previous institution and what happened, I'm glad they still offered me Advertising (Honours) for my bachelor. Alhamdulillah, this girl is going to further her studies akhirnya.

Aussie plans might be postponed, due to late application forms and I got this offer first.

UiTM dihatiku, afterall?

Geez, no.

Friday, June 12, 2009

results, burgers and late night crushes.

I am SO totally in LOVE!

Gabe Bondoc of CA, marry me, please! I love youuuuuuuuuuuu! *Girlish fan scream* Check him out in YouTube people, he's awesome and he's hot!

So there, my late night, new found crush. Rawrrrrr~

My results is kicking yo! Well, I bet most of the students from my batch has better results, but who cares, I'm not suspended, and I have good results. This couldn't be better. :D:D:D:D

The boyfriend was being super nice, even though I wasn't so nice to him. He knew I didn't eat a proper meal today, and dropped me off my fave burger, just so he knows that I've eaten something today. Thanks sayang. That's the second time you came by my house just do give me something to eat, I love you for it. :D:D

Thursday, June 11, 2009



not because of the results, I just feel like cursing today. FUCK!

Return of the Pain

I wish that you would call me right now, so that I could get through to you somehow.

Oh shit, the 'pain' is back.

Haven't you noticed, the star that shines the brightest will always burn out the fastest?

I'm at home for two weeks now, I thought that if I spent my time at home, I'd get to spend more time with my friends, my family, the boyfriend. But hell I was wrong, I'm starting to think no more RMIT for me, just work and make myself busy.

Starting in Promod again next Monday, so if anyone wants to go out with me, please book me early ok? Yeah, right. Like someone would actually want to spend time with me. I'm a bore.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009


To Comel_Sitompok, who ever the fuck you are, please fuck off, and leave me alone.

You added me in Ym, asking me a whole lotta stuff, and when I ask who you are, you say anything to evade it. And when I refuse to entertain you, you say shit about me. Like nutcase, much?

Calling me gemok won't offend me, because that's already a nickname for me. So yeah.
Calling me sombong or budget or whatever it is that you said, won't make me pissed off, it just makes me remind myself why I don't entertain people like you.

I bet you don't even know me that well. Or maybe you're just a friend of someone? One who is trying to figure me out? Well, go on, try me.


Cleanfreak, much?

Got so bored today, I cleaned up the WHOLE ROOM.

My sis's bed with new bedsheets.

My bed. :)

Back door, with lights. :)

OH OH OH, I am SO proud of myself. Ngeeeeeee.


So yeah, introducing, Sharawy. My current boyfriend.

Can't say I'm head over heels or anything, but I'm glad he showed up, because he did a lot of things to make me feel better about myself. He never fails to put up a smile on my face. Anytime, anywhere. I guess I'm smitten, and hopefully this won't turn out bad.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Puas Hati?

Okay, I am questioning what exactly satisfaction is. (can I?)
Where exactly do you get satisfaction from?
What exactly satisfies you?

From the things you do, or from the things you are rewarded or the consequences after all those things you have done?

Real satisfaction is what I want. What I am looking for.

Does satisfaction come from people? From things?
From achievements? Is it a type of reward?

Do you really get satisfied by spending the whole day with your sweetheart a day before he/she is going oversea to further their studies?
Do you really get satisfied when you find out that your GPA is an astounding 4 flat and your parents really don’t care?

Is satisfaction the type of reward that everyone need?
Is satisfaction really all that?

I know I am full of questions, but I am intrigued by what satisfactory is.

Is this called satisfaction, when –
1. After a fight with your sweetheart, you kiss and makeup.
2. After all the hard work, you finally get recognized for what you do.
3. After having a blast performing on stage, the crowd cheers for more.

The feeling that you get. Where your blood rushes up to your head you suddenly feel like you’re on top of the world?

That great feeling, where you can’t help but to want for more? Is that it?

So, is it just a feeling that people get?

Is satisfaction the same as a reward?
A reward, mentally? Physically? Emotionally?
A type of reward that you can’t actually see?

Is satisfaction ever enough? I know it’s not for me, I always strive for more.

To me, satisfaction is a part of greediness. You’ll never settle for a bit.

What satisfies you the most?
- Having a great day?
- Listening to good music?
- Eating a scrumptious meal?
- Spending your own paycheck on the stuff that you always wanted?
- The day when you finally get over your old flame?

The world is in for a never-ending satisfaction hunt.
So am I, let’s join in.

To sum it up, after writing all of this down, my OWN conclusion is;

Satisfaction is a part of greediness, a feeling of greatness, is addictive, and very dangerous, since it drives people to do more and get more satisfaction, even by all means to step on other people’s head and stabbing other people’s backs. It is also considered as one of the best motivational skills. And to me, it is also a type of reward, a type of reward that can’t be seen by the naked eye. Unseen but meaningful. BUT, if I mixed up satisfaction with another feeling/thing, I guess I’m confused. Hah.

And after you get satisfied, what happens?

Satisfaction is never enough. Enough said.

But I wonder, does this really answer my question. Does it really?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Waited forever for this moment.

He fell asleep on his chair, I took this opportunity to stare at his features. Soft eyes, a mole on top of his left brow, glistening silver stud at the corner of his right lower lip. His face frowns of the heat, he lets out a light sigh.

Oh, I melted right that instant. We were supposed to talk, but I'm scared that I'll bore him off his ass. So, I watched him dozed off to a deep slumber.

When I got back home, I was eager to let him know how much I loved him, but, instead, certain things happened. The thought never came out of my head.

It's weird how things NEVER go according to your plans, right?

Hmmmm. Well, moving on.. I've been busy working this past month, now I resigned, and currently jobless. Guess it was a stupid move to resign in the first place. *smacks my own head

I'm crapping, so, I'll blog later. Not so much in blogging mood. Missing him oh so much. And missing work, too. Joei and Eshia, I'll be waiting for our day out okay? *grins* Love you guys for not labeling me as a typical M. (You know what I mean)