Friday, September 23, 2011

Memory Lane, Again.

This was what went through my head last night. I just had the urge to write it all down before I forgot about it.

Mr Good Looking, you meant a lot to me, once upon a time. Well, you still mean a lot.

You were sarcastic, caring, strict, loving, cuddly, good looking and egoistic. I have no idea why we didn’t work out. Probably it was for the best. I miss you sometimes. When I think about the times you would come over to my place all the way from Sepang. Just to share a couple of smokes with me. You would drive all the way to take me out for dinner eventhough you weren’t feeling well just to make sure I ate. You would drop by my office during lunch, just cause I asked you to. You held my hand and kissed it when you drive. Everytime you drove. You missed that once, and you texted me with a sad face, telling me that you didn’t get to kiss my hands.

How can I not fall for you? Tell me. You surprised me with a book from my favourite author! When I went to the loo and came back, there it was, the little blue book and ice cream. You picked me up from work once eventhough you were in KL and I was in Kepong. Quite far of a trip considering the traffic.

We exchanged I love yous.

But I guess something changed your mind. Something in your heart triggered, something in mine too. We parted, but the memories are seared on to my brain, my heart. I won’t forget the nights we spent watching movies, cuddling, having McD takeouts.

I won’t forget you. Not ever.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Honest to boot

Sometimes I don't know why I bother writing. Some people may find it offensive, and I just come off as an emotional bitch. But hey, I'm only human. I do everything everybody does. I curse, I cry, I get hurt, I give up, I try. Life goes on, whatever I write is basically what goes through my mind. I don't really let out my emotions - really deep emotions, whenever I write. But fuck it, I can write whatever fuck I want. Its just a way for me to express. I'm just being me.

So here goes, after my "Walking Down Memory Lane" post. I had an inkling that Mr Goodlooking read it. And if my guess is right, he tweeted about him being scolded through a blog. Well, any sane people would see that I was just reminiscing whatever that is left of me and him. I don't hold grudges, at least I don't show it. I'd rather keep it to myself. Why would I expose the fragile part of myself and make myself look vulnerable?

Well, he has his freedom of speech, I have mine. I don't want to judge, but I guess he took my post too seriously and read it in a negative connotation, I wouldn't know.

I'm in love with words. I really am, but whenever there's a negative feedback on my writing, I tend to take into account and try and improve. There's no way in hell anybody can make me change the way I write. I've grown to realise the best way to be happy about yourself is when you stop thinking about others.

My oh my, look how am I now.
All grown up. *pukes*

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Singapore - next career move?

Sounds tempting.

"Oh, hello. I'm a copywriter based in Singapore"
Says my imagination to my curiosity.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Walking down memory lane.

Hello there. Today I would like to let out everything that Mr. Goodlooking and I did. I think it's good that I finally want to talk about it, and let it out. I know that after this post, I won't dwell in the past anymore, because tonight is going to change everything. ;)

I didn't how we could connect and go out and have supper and his ciggie breaks. It started off with just BBMing, and it didn't stop. We would continue until late, and sleep, waking up to a new BBM message waiting to be read. It went on for a couple of weeks, until he finally asked me out, for a casual hang out. I didn't immediately say yes, because apart from BBMs and Twitter conversations, we never really spoke to each other in real life. So yeah, one day I decided to go for supper with him. He was charming enough to pick me up, but a total pain in the ass when he started teasing me during supper. I didn't mind though, it eases the awkwardness. That night when we hung out for supper, was the first time we spoke to each other, on the phone and face to face. I still remember it, still fresh, the memories.

Then all the stories came out, he asked me about his ex, I told him about mine. We shared opinions on a lot of things. We debated, we agreed, we bickered, we talked. True enough this "thing" we had, ended all too soon. But, I had foreseen it coming, so I took the matter very calmly. I freaked for a bit, then I started to miss him, but I didn't look back. Except for this one time, I was stupid or dumb, I don't know, I texted him saying that I missed him. Oh my, stupid I was. But I was glad I said it out loud. At least I know I'm not the egoistic one.

Mr Goodlooking and I lasted less than half a year, a few months, mind you, but it was one of the most emotional non-relationships I've ever had. EVER. It meant a lot to me. Still means a lot.

Anyhoo, things ended quite surprisingly fast. There's these few weeks I've been busy at work and at home, and whenever he calls me, I never seem to be available. And he made a big deal out of that, he told me I was coming up with excuses and such. And at that time, I was agitated. I didn't even want to go on. So I said, okay, I'm leaving, whatever you want. And that was it for me. I don't mind being friends with him, but anything more than that, I can't see it happen.

His text said that "I deserve someone better" and in deep honesty, I really think I do. Because whatever I did for him, seem to never be enough. I had no idea how to make him happy. We cuddled, watched a movie, and stuff like that, but I can never make him happy fully. I don't think its fair too, is what I told him. I knew it won't work, I elaborated more. And he said, "whatever we are, its not fair". Yeah, I know, stupid I was.

He once said he wants me to be his "girl". Whatever fuck that meant. I was touched, and honoured, but whenever I screwed something up unintentionally, he would go mental, I try to do whatever to please him, until I really couldn't take it, I decided. Once and for all.

I still remember asking him when we were simply watching TV;
Me: "You sayang I tak?" (Do you love me?)
Him: "Sayang la, why?" (I do, why?)
Me: "Good, because I'm gonna break your heart" *without looking at his face*
Him: *turns to face me* "huh? apa you cakap ni?" (huh? what are you talking about?)
Me: "I'm kidding la baby" *Smiles and kissed his forehead*
Him: "Mengarut je" (You're talking crap now) *calms down*

In the end, I think he broke mine (my heart), but moving on, I am relieved to break free somehow. I'm being honest to boot, really. It ended, whatever "it" was. And I'm okay with it. :)

Writing this down made me feel better, a whole lot better. But to share all the memories I shared with him, will be painful, so I just shared whatever I think is necessary. Goodbye Mr. Goodlooking, I wish you the best in life and I pray that you will find somebody that can make you truly happy. If you are getting married someday, don't hesitate to invite me. LOL

Wednesday, September 14, 2011


Is what we all look forward to.

I'm on facebook and twitter detox. Its been a week, couldn't be happier about it.

I need sleep. I need rest. I need love. I need hugs. I need cuddles.

I'm not the same Hannah you used to know, no I'm not.
Trust me on this.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


I actually think that my English and writing is getting crappier. I need to read more. Sigh.

How to read when all I do is going to the office and drowning in the workload?



At the office. On Sunday. 6.30pm. Still here.

Omg you can kill me now.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Word Vomit.

My Blackberry is testing my patience. Sigh. Soon iPhone, soon.

Okay that was random.

Hi there!
It's been a while, well duh, I wrote that in the previous post, way to go, stupid! *scolds myself*

That's how haywire I am now. I keep on talking to myself. Mumbling, giggling, as though somebody is talking to me, when its just my thoughts running around, tripping, jumping, falling.

I am way too tired of work, but you gotta do what you gotta do right?

Ohhh, did I tell you that 1st September was my birthday? Teeeheee. This year I can honestly tell you that I feel loved.

I went for a shopping frenzy! 5 tops, a zippo, a skirt and a purse.
Sharawy bought me a baby G watch, 2 Arsenal Jerseys and a pair of Converse shoes.
My sister bought me a bag.
My sis in law got me cute undies. ;)
the best part of all - wait for it - my parents got me a present for my Diploma/Degree/First Job present - a MICHAEL KORS watch! the one I really wanted.

See what I mean when I said I feel loved? Teeeheeee.

That wraps up my birthday update. Here comes my whines and nags, be prepared.

Oh, I forgot, Mr Goodlooking and I are over. He decided "I deserve better". I guess I really do, after all that he's done to me. I mean, I still miss him, but I guess I'm insignificant in his life, so yeah, time to move on. I really don't mind.

I'm in my 4th month of working. I really dread mornings, but when I was on holiday, I miss my colleagues. Weird, I know. But I've grown attached to them somehow. Work is really crazy now. I'm supposed to come up with a couple of headlines as of now, but I feel like blogging. So I better blog before I lose what I wanted to write about. Work can wait. (as if - I'll be freaking out in a few minutes fyi)

I have a feeling that since I'm working now, people tend to ignore me, since I'm so called "independent". People don't ask me how I'm doing, whether or not I want dinner/lunch/breakfast. By people I mean the people I'm staying with - family. I feel so useless, so disconnected. But I can't help it, I'm already off to work when my parents are still snoozing, and come back odd hours, midnight, mostly, when they're too tired to talk or ask me anything. But I feel isolated as well, I'm in an industry that requires me to slave away, without thinking about the hours - just until you get the work done - which will NEVER happen. The stream of work that comes in won't ever stop. Sigh. I think now is the time for me to fly the coop. I need to be on my own, so my parents won't worry about me, they won't have to nag at me whenever I come home late. I just want to be ... away.

Okay I guess I'm getting emotional. I better stop.

Back to life, back to reality, hello there paperwork. Where's my ideas?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Well, Hello there!

It's been a while.