Sunday, November 30, 2008


I thought I'd share with you something so phenomenal to me:-


Beautiful blank pages
kiss our
with backgrounds
that demand precision.

Our black letters cross
on tightrope lines,
without wavering
across deep, invisible currents.

These beautiful blank pages
are promises of our
Our gentlest strokes
of darkness upon light.

-Judith Pordon-

An Update

Well, here I am, in the middle of the night, trying my best not to be sappy. But then again, I thought to myself, that would be like asking too much for myself right? Geez. OK, I'll try my best.

Here goes nothing. Today is day 7 of coming down with fever. Well, my fever cleared up a little, OK, who am I kidding? A lot. What's left of it now is just sniffles here and there and of course, the oh-so dreadful sore throat. I finished 2 bottles of cough syrup as it is, but the sore is still torturing me.

Can you believe it, that it's my semester break, and I'm actually coming down sick. Of course I got lucky and escaped the fever pitch during semester. Riiiight. Since my maid's back in Indonesia, us siblings had to do chores. Yes, I'd finally see the day. It seems that I'm a bit of clean-freak. I wash my clothes once in 2 days. Well most teenagers, especially my siblings like to wait for their whole week to end.

I haven't been anywhere. Just mostly at home. How boring. And for a few days, I thought I saw the OLD RSI popping back up again in my life. But my sighting was too good to be true. All of his act disappeared within 3 days, max. I was really starting to enjoy it, but nevermind, I've gotten used to this current RSI anyways.

On a brighter note, my dad, reads my blog now. So, I actually have to keep it READABLE and toss out the curses. Yes Abah, Sorry! Now you know that your daughter actually has a big mouth. *grins* He encouraged me to write more, as he (said to me, allegedly) likes my writing so far, it's just that I need to write something else for the topic, rather that be self-obsessed. I'll put that into mind, and I am sure as heck I'd give it a TRY.

Hey, it's afterall a blog. Hannah's blog. Where mostly my thoughts and my ramblings go posted. And I like it that way. Especially when it's about me. Yes people, I'm getting way over in my head now, I'm going to do you and myself a favor and stop NOW.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008


Does anybody know this feeling of despair
When you really love someone
When You really care
It's hard to walk away

-Never Meant To Be, Samantha Mumba

Just wanted to share that, it's beautiful isn't it? I think it's like THE perfect breakup song for teenagers. Oh, who am I kidding. I teared listening to this song.

I'm just feeling sappy due to my fever. Pardon me. Cheers.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Yesterday. As I was tearing down posters on my wall, I realized something. The action of it all actually reflects our real life, yes, you might think I’m crazy, but hear (or read, since this IS a blog) this.

When we have been hurt by something or someone’s doing, we tend to keep it inside, all swelled up. But when the time comes to erase the pain away, it’ll still leave scars, just like the poster-tape that made a mark on the wall, chipping off the paint, revealing an ugly scar on a once smooth wall.

When you try to put it back, it won’t be the same. The posters will just hang off its edge, ready to fall, again, revealing very hurtful scars. The only way to ever heal this is to (I think) tear off the whole poster and paint your room in a brand new color. It might take a long time, but it also actually reflects the whole healing process.

Creating a new life, forgetting the old, even though revamping your room is time and money consuming, painting a new color will definitely cover the scars, and that signifies (in my thoughts) that even our past life, which had been a nightmare, takes time, courage and hard work to heal.

But from what I can see, covering up your wall with new paint means you’re just covering your past as well. The scars, the memories, and it’s just you, burying your hurtful past in the back of your mind, never intend to bring it up again. But, as the paint fades, the scars reveal themselves.

Just like the old memories. Everything will eventually show up again, any time of your life. And my thought to this is, the only way for you to move on from something is to accept it, and learn to live on it, taking it as a lesson and make it a guide.

Now, does all this make sense to you?

There, that’s how MY mind works.

Monday, November 10, 2008

7 things

Since Hamz tagged yours truly to do a piece about myself. Walaupun dah banyak entry pun about moi. :D

Here's seven things that you might not seen coming:

  • Well, I am VERY family oriented. I think.

  • I don't consider myself stylish, but I do keep up with latest fachion trends, though I don't own any flourescent hotpants, but I do have pieces of clothing that normal people don't usually wear and I AM NOT a fashion victim, thankyou.

  • I am NOT snobby. Okay. Sekali pandang, memanglah. Ever heard of the ever so cliche quote "don't judge a book by its cover"? Cuba aplikasikan.

  • I am madly in LOVE with music. Well, that's a bit obvious to people who knows me, kan? :D

  • I abso-freakin-lutely loves writing. AND reading, yes, people, the loud girl you know is actually a very very geeky chick.

  • I used to write a whole bunch of LOVE poems when I was in secondary school. Yes, a bit on the romantic side, I am.

  • I don't give two rat's ass about how I dress, I talk, walk and whatnot. Especially what people say. Well, let's exclude yen in this aright.

  • I drive like a madman when I'm furious. Try me.

  • I swear a whole lot when I'm stressed, but I can be pretty decent, and I mean total change when I'm relaxed.

  • Last, but certainly not the least, I have alot of uban. HAHA. You know, white hairs, signalling that you're getting older by the minute? AND I'm PROUD OF IT! :D

Now, I'll tag

  1. Maysarah
  2. Melissa
  3. Zahirah
  4. Raja Faisal
  5. Samsul Abdul Rahman
  6. Itik
  7. Ariff

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Real, all of it.

Let's start with my reality, shall we?

I know I have been such a pain in the ass all year, but I can't help it. People around me seem to take me for granted. Maybe I was being ungrateful, but I didn't expect that people around me was going to stomp me all over.

O-kay, for one example, lets take my sister. She is manipulative (was going to put b**** here, but it's waay too cruel), and controlling and she likes to shout a lot. At me. Her older sister. And there I thought sisters were supposed to be close. Especially sister with close age gaps. She always thinks that she's better than me. That, I clearly see. I don't suck up to my mom. And I know I'm not the "ideal daughter". I'm sorry Abah, if you're reading this. This was kept inside me for how long. One of the many reasons I chose to study abroad.

This thing, that keeps getting my heart and soul torn apart, these thing called tears. I cry and I cry, for only Allah S.W.T knows how terrible i feel inside. I used to be such an independent girl, I was able to hold it all in. But when one trouble starts to occur, Many problems came storming over. Basically, I am given the chance to be someone better.

But of course, being the stupid self that I am, I chose to be ignorant. Yes, I became ignorant, only for a few months though. Now, the old Hannah who is easy to pick on is back again! Woohoo!

The relationship with the boyfriend bit, is getting more honest everyday. Seriously, I've told him off. How I felt, how he was treating me, the way we weren't as bad as now. He understood me, but being himself, it took him quite sometime to readjust his negativity and actually tries to make me smile. Now, when I think about it. I can't even have a bickering without laughing it off with him. Alhamdulillah.

My maid is taking off to Indonesia next week. For good. And I have a naughty feeling that I'm glad she's going away. Hehe.

Well, I guess that's about it. My head is throbbing, and my heart is pounding. Just got over a fight with the sis. Well, for one thing I DO believe is, what are sister if its not for the bickering and dramas, right? This WILL hopefully pass through, Insya'Allah.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku,
Kuatkanlah Iman hambamu ini, segala cabaran dihadapinya,
permudahkanlah hatinya untuk menempuhi dugaan-dugaanMu ini Ya Allah.