Tuesday, January 17, 2012

AbraCadabra, Vanish!

I had this realisation last night. Where I was talking to a guy I am dating, and I found myself talking honestly and very bluntly. And all he did was kept quiet, I had a sudden thought of; maybe all my past relationships didn't work because I have no filter to what I say.

All these time I thought I've been dating jerks, but in reality, it could be me. The cause of all failures could be me - the girl who doesn't know how to filter her thoughts and watch what she says.

I am sorry, for all the wrongs I've done, and all the things I've said.

I truly am.

This is exactly why I want to disappear a long time ago.
This is exactly why I don't think I'm going to end up happy.
This is exactly why I'd rather keep my thoughts and emotions to myself.

I've got to learn how to let things go along its own course.
I've got to shut up.

Maybe I've got to just ....... vanish.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Girl You Should Date, by Rosemarie Urquico.

Something of the total opposite of what I shared earlier. I am so glad somebody did a reply :)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

Friday, January 6, 2012

I am chubbeh

I really don't think being fat is a bad thing.

Therefore, I don't mind being fat and being friends with people who are on the chubby side. But it annoys me when people who are thin says that they're fat. It just gets on my nerves. (Kishi, this is for you, you're not fat so shut up)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Bullshit, this is.

I hate it when people tell me that it's weird that I'm dating somebody.


Am I too fucked up to date now?
Is it wrong for me to go out with a guy that I actually like talking to, even though you know who that guy is?
Do I have to go out with guys that does not cross paths with my circle of friends and family?

Fuck this shit.

I have done so many things for so many people, but in the end, it's about their happiness, not mine. "I want my happiness, too." Don't you think that's exactly what I'm looking for?

Yes, I know, I said I didn't want a committed relationship just yet, but is it wrong for me to go out and enjoy a person's company? What more a person that I can talk to, intellectually, stupidly, jokingly?

A person who knows how to make me laugh, pissed and touched at the same time?

Fuck other people and their feelings/opinions/thoughts about me dating.
I live for myself, not for anybody else.

Fuck you and "you're complicated/confused" bullshit.
I know how to live my life just as much as you do.