Monday, June 27, 2011

Lemony Attraction

Another writing assignment of mine. Purely fictional. And please don't laugh.


Nothing close to comparison of giddiness, when you first set your eyes on a person that makes your heart beast faster, your butterflies in your stomach aflutter. That’s how I first felt when I saw him. He was at the fruit isle where I was working, a grocery shop 5 minutes away from campus.

His hair was jet black, neatly brushed back, he had these glistening brown eyes and heavy eye bags that made him look naturally broody and mysterious. I wondered where he stayed, what did he do, and his voice, oh how I long to hear his voice.

3 months passed, and I realized there was a pattern with him; he comes in every Thursday to buy Lemons, and only lemons. Nothing else. He rarely spoke, but when he did, my whole body just went into autopilot. Silent and robotic. I was that nervous around him. I was convinced he was a chef, mainly because I saw him walking in once in the clothes of a cook. Today, I am determined to talk to him, find out who he was, and ask him about his habitual lemon purchases over the past 3 months.

“Hey, ‘Sup” ohmygod ohmygod. My heart raced.

He looked up and wore a weary smile, and replied “Long day. How about you?”

“Well, nothing better than to waste my time staring at produce and packaging” I found myself saying, and threw a cheeky smile. Why the hell did I just do that? Ohmygod ohmygod.

His eyebrows furrowed, and I thought he didn’t get my reply. Well duh, you talked nonsense, idiot! But then his eyes lit up, though I wasn’t sure what for, but little did I know, my wonder would soon be answered.

“You know, you should smile more, your face just lights up, made my day, thank you very much” And grinned as he took his paper bag and made his way out of the store. I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks. And I found myself saying “Well, thank you, hottie” What the fuck is wrong with me, seriously? I hope he didn’t hear that, aaaargh.

To my horror, he had heard it, he turned back and winked. I nearly died.

After a few weeks of heated cheeks, and flirty conversations, he asked me out. I was ecstatic. My heart was pounding, my thoughts were wandering, and my palms were sweating. You must wonder why am I acting like this, point one, he’s hot. Point two, he’s a cook. Yes, my guess was true, a hottie who can cook, yummy. Point three, probably the most crucial part of all, I AM A GUY. Point four; he will be the FIRST guy I’d date after I came out as somebody who’s homosexual.

Not so much of a guy with balls now am I? Thought so.


I am now into my 6th month of dating Pete, the man of my dreams. I’ve found out that he buys lemons every Thursday because he made lemon squares for his grandma every Friday. Awwww, such a sweetie, I know, right? I’m so lucky. Who says being gay is taboo? I’m living my life well, with a hottie who’s an expert in the kitchen. I consider myself luckier than the ladies, if you know what I mean.


Today I realized something.......

.......I find myself fiddling with the most insignificant things in front of me. Probably because I always have the urge to look for something, I'm always on a hunt. What am I hunting for, you ask me? I haven't a clue. I feel like I'm looking for something that can change my life. Make it better, somehow. But, in the end, I got lost in the process of looking. Some say I'm looking for love, some say I'm looking for freedom. I say, it could be anything. From reassurance, freedom, space, love, affection, satisfaction, recognition, anything, I tell you!

I just want, NO, I just NEED to find this thing, this vague, partial part that fits my life, that completes my life.

Life is a journey, so I keep on hearing people say. It remains true to this day. But they never told me that life was gonna be a maze. If I was taught that earlier, I think I wouldn't be complaining now. Heck, because I was told life was a journey, I've been planning my future. (Because that's basically what you do before you start your journey, right?) But when your plans fall through, you hit a brick wall. You don't know what to do, you take a few steps back and try out another way, another route. (So it is like a maze, after all!) But you'll never no where the winding paths end, you never know what you might stumble upon.

So now, I can conclude that I am lost, in a maze that I personally call my life. I fiddle with insignificant items, I questions the stupidest questions, I worry about the unnecessary bullshit, I take in a lot of crap from other people, but, I still go on.

Life is a maze, find yourself a way out of your messy thoughts, next thing you know, you're dead. A bit morbid, I know. But its fact, we're only human, we can't run from our problems, we're forever stuck in our own mazes.

We're screwed, but you decide on how you wanna look at life.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Why does everything have to feel wrong?

I think its the PMS, but I've been feeling worst than ever. I'm just tired of having emotions tied to everything I do.

Why do I have to care?


Monday, June 20, 2011


Another fucking manic Monday.

Was late to work, drove quite fast, weaved through traffic like a mad man. Upon reaching to the office, I was told to quit my job. By someone I kind of expected, but it hurt me still. Though I'm not doing okay, emotionally and mentally, I'm enjoying my job, well, at least trying to. It cut me deep. I've officially graduated with an Honours Degree, and I just worked here for one month, and that said person asked me to "find another job". Mainly because I had to get to work on time, and I get home late.

It is the advertising industry after all, I am in the creative team, after all. We are dedicated robots to the visuals, copy and PC related bullshit. You can't expect me to just up and leave when I finally have a sense of responsibility in my life.

I am trying so hard to make you proud, but there you are, talking to me like this job doesn't even matter to me. Mind you, this is my dream job. I am blessed enough to be granted this post, and with this pay, I won't give in to what you want. Not this time.

I'm sorry if my decision to finally be independent and continuing on to do what I love, what I'm passionate for disappoints you. I'm just sorry.

I need to think about me, once and for all. Selfish now, am I? Yeah. I'm tired of bending over backwards to fit your needs. I need this to reassure myself that this is what I've worked for all my life.

You were happy I got a distinction for my Intern right? I'm asking you to be proud of me this time. I don't want to work like her, under your supervision, under the watchful eye of almost everybody I grew up with. I'm earning enough. I'm contempt enough, so why can't you be contempt for me?

Once, just once, I need your support.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Did you know?

That I've worked here for almost a month now.

That I've been throwing myself into work so much, I rarely have time to read and write?

That I'm pulling my hair out just to get ideas for ad campaigns?

That I don't know if I'm contempt with how I am now?

That I'm actually thinking of going to Miami Ad School to further my Masters Degree? Only after a month working in an agency?

That I can't afford Miami Ad School?

That I'm a sissy when it comes to handling my emotions?

That I crash on my bed as soon as I get home?

That I work like the energizer bunny if I'm at work?

That I've no idea how to relax anymore?


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Sad. :(

I promise I will write more. I'm so swamped with work, I can't write anything any more. I think I need the time off and find my muse again.

If I have any loyal readers out there, I'm sorry, don't hate me.
Stay with me, okay.


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Writing Assignment #1

Here's a writing assignment I had to do for my job evaluation. Let me know what you think. HAHAHA. I find it very weird.

A Fruit with Attitude.

I would stand out in the crowd, but what most of you think about me is pretty generic. Who are you to judge me with that limited knowledge of yours? There are selective people who appreciate my curviness, my boldness, my distinctive taste.

I bring life into dull ingredients. I sometimes even become one of the key ingredients to your life! If you think I’m pretty dull, boring and just another lump in the market basket, think again.

Why would Fool’s Garden write a song about my origins? Why would Passion write a song inspired by what I can do, how I can affect people? Yes, I might have a little attitude problem, but that’s what that keeps me interesting, a kick in your mouth, the zing in your taste buds.

Oh Hi, I’m Mandy. I’m yellow, and I come from a family of smooth skin and bumps. I sort of skipped the introductions there, didn’t I? I’m a lemon, a member of the citrus family, no I’m not as vibrant as the orange, and I’m not as exotic as the grapefruit. But listen to this;

I might look average on the outside, like any other fruit in the market. But have you actually seen my insides? I’m juicy, you can tell by just slicing. I have intricate pulps, a juicy flesh, and oh boy I’m full of Vitamins!

Lemons are different from Limes and Oranges, you want to know why? Though we all have that sour bit in our juices, lemons just kicks ass. If you didn’t notice, English folk uses us in their tea, they don’t use oranges. American people drink us during hot summer days, not lime juice. Don’t ask me why we’re oh so fabulous, but we’re just built that way.

Thanks to us, the human kind have been blessed with our acidic features and decided to use us, and our components to make their lives easier, our juice can be used to remove stains on your clothes. The oil that we produce? It’s being used in your perfumes! It is our pleasure to tighten your pores, and bleaching your freckles.

Our essences and flavors now becomes a vital part in the culinary industry, our flavors can be found in poultry dishes, desserts, meat marinating flavors, and to get everything going on? We even can get it on with liquor. Yes, liquor, not liqueur. Us lemons are pretty useful and handy, eh?

See, who says lemons are generic and boring? I say otherwise. We’re the fruit with attitude.

Monday, June 6, 2011

in that instant, she became infinite with who she is.

she stepped into the icy cold room, with her head held high, and sat down with confidence. she never felt at peace as how she felt then. her work described who she is, how she acted, defined her very being.

being at her cubicle clarified a lot of things for her, the new company she makes, the endless firsts that she endured.

but when her work time is over, she is dead. she kept to herself. she locked herself if her room. she didn't eat. she didn't have anything to drink. she knew she has depression, but nothing can really cure her from that. she looked forward to working everyday. on the weekends, she's rarely at home. she goes out, she parties, she gossiped, she talked, she ate. none of that which she did at home.

home is where the heart is, so they say, and she found that to be true enough for her understanding. she didn't grasp the concept of making her house a home for her. for her insecurities, her emotions, her feelings, a sanctum for her true self.

her house was a two bedroom apartment in the bustling city of Damansara. but she didn't find that as a luxury for her. she always comes back to an empty house, a silent night, to the creaking noises the door made, the sound of honking cars outside her window.

she never had the chance to make it her home. she didn't want to, not since the last time she tried.

you see, Mandy used to be jovial, fun, bubbly, everything positive, you could say. but one thing robbed her personality away.

that one night where she was awaken by the sound of footsteps in her old apartment in Cheras. she was living with her bestfriend back then, so she just thought it was her bestfriend's boyfriend sneaking in, so she ignored it. but then she remembered that her bestfriend is in Jakarta for the week, she got up to see who it was, and saw Jason, Penny's boyrfriend, drunk and walking into the bathroom. little did she know, Jason had planned this very night.

Jason knocked on Mandy's door, and not suspecting anything unusual, she called out that the door was unlocked, so Jason crept in, being influenced, he dragged his footsteps. Mandy thought Jason wanted to talk to her, but boy she was wrong.

Freezing Hands, Jittery Emotions.

.......And I don't know what to blog about. Sigh.