Friday, June 12, 2009

results, burgers and late night crushes.

I am SO totally in LOVE!

Gabe Bondoc of CA, marry me, please! I love youuuuuuuuuuuu! *Girlish fan scream* Check him out in YouTube people, he's awesome and he's hot!

So there, my late night, new found crush. Rawrrrrr~


My results is kicking yo! Well, I bet most of the students from my batch has better results, but who cares, I'm not suspended, and I have good results. This couldn't be better. :D:D:D:D

The boyfriend was being super nice, even though I wasn't so nice to him. He knew I didn't eat a proper meal today, and dropped me off my fave burger, just so he knows that I've eaten something today. Thanks sayang. That's the second time you came by my house just do give me something to eat, I love you for it. :D:D

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Speechless.

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck




not because of the results, I just feel like cursing today. FUCK!

Return of the Pain

I wish that you would call me right now, so that I could get through to you somehow.

Oh shit, the 'pain' is back.

Haven't you noticed, the star that shines the brightest will always burn out the fastest?

I'm at home for two weeks now, I thought that if I spent my time at home, I'd get to spend more time with my friends, my family, the boyfriend. But hell I was wrong, I'm starting to think no more RMIT for me, just work and make myself busy.

Starting in Promod again next Monday, so if anyone wants to go out with me, please book me early ok? Yeah, right. Like someone would actually want to spend time with me. I'm a bore.

Boo-hoo.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Nutcase?

To Comel_Sitompok, who ever the fuck you are, please fuck off, and leave me alone.

You added me in Ym, asking me a whole lotta stuff, and when I ask who you are, you say anything to evade it. And when I refuse to entertain you, you say shit about me. Like nutcase, much?

Calling me gemok won't offend me, because that's already a nickname for me. So yeah.
Calling me sombong or budget or whatever it is that you said, won't make me pissed off, it just makes me remind myself why I don't entertain people like you.

I bet you don't even know me that well. Or maybe you're just a friend of someone? One who is trying to figure me out? Well, go on, try me.





Shitfuck.


Cleanfreak, much?

Got so bored today, I cleaned up the WHOLE ROOM.



My sis's bed with new bedsheets.



My bed. :)



Back door, with lights. :)



OH OH OH, I am SO proud of myself. Ngeeeeeee.

Sharawy.




So yeah, introducing, Sharawy. My current boyfriend.

Can't say I'm head over heels or anything, but I'm glad he showed up, because he did a lot of things to make me feel better about myself. He never fails to put up a smile on my face. Anytime, anywhere. I guess I'm smitten, and hopefully this won't turn out bad.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Puas Hati?

Okay, I am questioning what exactly satisfaction is. (can I?)
Where exactly do you get satisfaction from?
What exactly satisfies you?

From the things you do, or from the things you are rewarded or the consequences after all those things you have done?

Real satisfaction is what I want. What I am looking for.

Does satisfaction come from people? From things?
From achievements? Is it a type of reward?

Do you really get satisfied by spending the whole day with your sweetheart a day before he/she is going oversea to further their studies?
Do you really get satisfied when you find out that your GPA is an astounding 4 flat and your parents really don’t care?

Is satisfaction the type of reward that everyone need?
Is satisfaction really all that?

I know I am full of questions, but I am intrigued by what satisfactory is.

Is this called satisfaction, when –
1. After a fight with your sweetheart, you kiss and makeup.
2. After all the hard work, you finally get recognized for what you do.
3. After having a blast performing on stage, the crowd cheers for more.

The feeling that you get. Where your blood rushes up to your head you suddenly feel like you’re on top of the world?

That great feeling, where you can’t help but to want for more? Is that it?

So, is it just a feeling that people get?

Is satisfaction the same as a reward?
A reward, mentally? Physically? Emotionally?
A type of reward that you can’t actually see?

Is satisfaction ever enough? I know it’s not for me, I always strive for more.

To me, satisfaction is a part of greediness. You’ll never settle for a bit.

What satisfies you the most?
- Having a great day?
- Listening to good music?
- Eating a scrumptious meal?
- Spending your own paycheck on the stuff that you always wanted?
- The day when you finally get over your old flame?

The world is in for a never-ending satisfaction hunt.
So am I, let’s join in.


To sum it up, after writing all of this down, my OWN conclusion is;

Satisfaction is a part of greediness, a feeling of greatness, is addictive, and very dangerous, since it drives people to do more and get more satisfaction, even by all means to step on other people’s head and stabbing other people’s backs. It is also considered as one of the best motivational skills. And to me, it is also a type of reward, a type of reward that can’t be seen by the naked eye. Unseen but meaningful. BUT, if I mixed up satisfaction with another feeling/thing, I guess I’m confused. Hah.

And after you get satisfied, what happens?

Satisfaction is never enough. Enough said.

But I wonder, does this really answer my question. Does it really?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Slumber

Waited forever for this moment.

He fell asleep on his chair, I took this opportunity to stare at his features. Soft eyes, a mole on top of his left brow, glistening silver stud at the corner of his right lower lip. His face frowns of the heat, he lets out a light sigh.

Oh, I melted right that instant. We were supposed to talk, but I'm scared that I'll bore him off his ass. So, I watched him dozed off to a deep slumber.

When I got back home, I was eager to let him know how much I loved him, but, instead, certain things happened. The thought never came out of my head.

It's weird how things NEVER go according to your plans, right?

Hmmmm. Well, moving on.. I've been busy working this past month, now I resigned, and currently jobless. Guess it was a stupid move to resign in the first place. *smacks my own head

I'm crapping, so, I'll blog later. Not so much in blogging mood. Missing him oh so much. And missing work, too. Joei and Eshia, I'll be waiting for our day out okay? *grins* Love you guys for not labeling me as a typical M. (You know what I mean)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

relief

i am fucking not suspended!



Alhamdulillah. :D

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Verdict.

The mallot was slammed. She pushed the doors out of her way, she didn't like the chilly room, reaching for sunlight and fresh air, she lit up her ciggarette, almost like it was her inhaler for her athma.

She furiously puffed on the slim white cancerstick. Her mind was a mess, her hands are trembling, the ciggarette butt dropped, so did she. She cried silently, but when she got up, she was a whole different person. She was angry, she was pissed nonetheless.

Her verdict was painful to hear, like nails screeching on a blackboard, she wasn't able to accept the fact that she was found guilty of robbing a perfectly model student's chance to graduate. Where did she go wrong this time, she thought to herself.

As she walked passed the zooming cars, she lit another cigg. It was like a breath of fresh air for her, while her mind wanders off to the land of the unknown, she was approached by an elderly gentleman....

"...oppurtunities....turn your life around.....fall.....get back up.." so the old man mumbles on.. She hadn't had a clue what he was saying, but it pierced through her heart, she finally found a spot for her to sit and think. She went over the scene in the dark, chilly room again and again, her tears welling up everytime, until she heard the sound of the mallot beick played back in her head repetitively, hot, fat salty tears wet her burning cheeks.


The verdict was dropped, she thought...

"....I'm going to have to dissapear..."


So, she did.