Have you ever had a night so awesome, but ended with tragic?
Well, this nobody have had tons of them. She's used to it. Every time something good happens to her, she'll tell herself that she'll end up crying in the end. So to avoid being hurt, she stopped enjoying life. She stopped hoping, she stopped expecting. Because for her, that's the stuff that's been hurting her all these while. She stopped trusting people. She only knew herself. She only knew how to avoid.
Avoid being happy, avoid going out with friends, avoid falling in love, avoid having a crush on someone, avoid expecting, avoid hoping, avoid, avoid, avoid. That's all she knew, literally.
She lived her life very cautiously. She went to work, and went home. No time spent on outings, no time spent on self-indulgence. She lived her life alone. The only friends she had, she didn't count on them. She was afraid of being disappointed.
She never felt as though she is worthy of a life, everything she did seemed insufficient. She tried so hard to impress, she tried so hard to make people like her, but those efforts came to no avail. That was then, she decided to live on her own. She would occasionally please everyone around her, and she always helped other people. With not a single thank you as a token of appreciation, she learned that people exists to use other people.
That's life, people will use the weak, the nice, the vulnerable to get to the top, to get what they want. She learned that the hard way, but she knew she was contempt with who she is. She liked helping people. She loved the feeling it gives her.
One day it hit her, though she's contempt with who she is, she knew she would never find genuine happiness. She's not able to settle down and be happy. Find a husband, have kids. No she won't.
After years of being contempt, being an optimist, reserved and quiet, she broke down.
She was found dead, with tear stains still visible on her cheeks, now she is truly contempt, she had finally learned what she had to do, and left.