Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Real, all of it.

Let's start with my reality, shall we?

I know I have been such a pain in the ass all year, but I can't help it. People around me seem to take me for granted. Maybe I was being ungrateful, but I didn't expect that people around me was going to stomp me all over.

O-kay, for one example, lets take my sister. She is manipulative (was going to put b**** here, but it's waay too cruel), and controlling and she likes to shout a lot. At me. Her older sister. And there I thought sisters were supposed to be close. Especially sister with close age gaps. She always thinks that she's better than me. That, I clearly see. I don't suck up to my mom. And I know I'm not the "ideal daughter". I'm sorry Abah, if you're reading this. This was kept inside me for how long. One of the many reasons I chose to study abroad.

This thing, that keeps getting my heart and soul torn apart, these thing called tears. I cry and I cry, for only Allah S.W.T knows how terrible i feel inside. I used to be such an independent girl, I was able to hold it all in. But when one trouble starts to occur, Many problems came storming over. Basically, I am given the chance to be someone better.

But of course, being the stupid self that I am, I chose to be ignorant. Yes, I became ignorant, only for a few months though. Now, the old Hannah who is easy to pick on is back again! Woohoo!

The relationship with the boyfriend bit, is getting more honest everyday. Seriously, I've told him off. How I felt, how he was treating me, the way we weren't as bad as now. He understood me, but being himself, it took him quite sometime to readjust his negativity and actually tries to make me smile. Now, when I think about it. I can't even have a bickering without laughing it off with him. Alhamdulillah.

My maid is taking off to Indonesia next week. For good. And I have a naughty feeling that I'm glad she's going away. Hehe.

Well, I guess that's about it. My head is throbbing, and my heart is pounding. Just got over a fight with the sis. Well, for one thing I DO believe is, what are sister if its not for the bickering and dramas, right? This WILL hopefully pass through, Insya'Allah.

Ya Allah, Ya Tuhanku,
Kuatkanlah Iman hambamu ini, segala cabaran dihadapinya,
permudahkanlah hatinya untuk menempuhi dugaan-dugaanMu ini Ya Allah.


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Ryfo said...

this is life haha my sister also do nag me A LOT!and my current relationship lagila ada apa apa tp tkda apa apa haha.in a short term it means we decalre our love but not our relationship haha.take it easy this is the ups and downs of your life.huhu aku plak buat blog kat sini.