Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It Stops Right Here

Where am I supposed to start?

Since months ago, I've been thinking how was it like to be invisible. Yes, I would love to be invisible. I mean, nothing is ever right with my doings. It seems like everything that I say, everything that I do, comes out wrong. Yeah, yeah. Same old, same old. I don't like how my studies are going, I don't like what my relationship is turning out to be. I don't like being the punching bag (again) in my family. And I certainly hate to be a doormat to people.

I hate being a pushover, but I don't know how to be anything else. I live in a world where I have no one to turn to, to talk to, or even be happy with. Lately I just feel as though I've done something so bad that I don't deserve living. Talk about being ungrateful.

I went out jogging today, for the sake of not turning myself into a potato, and for the sake of my relationship. No, he's not leaving me if I go fat. But, I'm sure sometimes he looks at other girls and then, looks at me. Well, I want to be the only girl in his life that he's proud of. After the jog, I felt happy, after so long, I've been pushing myself for a jog. When I was done, I feel as though I've reached something.

But my happiness came to an abrupt end. Mother got back from work and she started saying things as if I've done something terrible. And then she started ignoring me. I mean, what's the whole point of being in this house if I was to be ignored all the time?

Things got worse when the boyfriend text me with a hint of sarcasm. I hate the way things are going right now. I mean, the slightest bit of remark can get me off. No, my period is not here yet, and it won't visit til end of the month. And yeah, I'm just pissed off right about now.

Just when things were about to look up, it goes downhill.
I need my dose of Tender Love and Care, badly.

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